Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder or Forgetful
by Ali86cat
Summary: What happens when Dalton and Jaz part ways for their well deserved leave without addressing this relational tensuon between them?
1. chapter 1

**_A/n: still firmly on the Jalton train, I wondered how Adam would handle leave without any closure with Jaz, as Season 1 so rudely left us ;) ...so that's where this one comes in._**

Chapter 1

Adam sighed. The deployment debrief had been long, intense, and more difficult than any he had ever experienced. Every mission since Amir joined the team was scrutinized. It was necessary for future growth, but analyzing past mistakes just seemed fruitlessly painful. And this past deployment had seen its fair share of mistakes, especially since Iran.

The way he had handled the whole situation with Jaz unsettled him. Why had he come down so hard on her for improvising when Jarif had spooked at the tea house? Had she made the shot, he'd have been congratulating her. But she missed her first shot in like, a year, and he had exploded at her, the unwavering trust he had always put in her and she in him shaken. Then when the opportunity was presented for Jaz to go in alone, he wanted it because #killJarif but he was aware of the danger. While he had given Jaz the option to back out, hindsight clearly showed him that putting her in that position immediately following the whole improvise debacle wasn't the wisest.

Listening to the recording of that conversation rang in his ears. At the time, his frustration, anger, rage at losing Jarif had overshadowed every other emotion and the fact that he'd overreacted and blown up at Jaz hadn't even registered...not until the last few days of the grueling debrief. How could he have been so cruel as to "not even mention" how she'd almost shot an innocent bystander? The irony was mind boggling.

And now he was frustrated with himself. The reason Jaz had walked into Jarif's hotel was because he had made her feel like she needed to prove herself, something she had never felt obligated to do before. It was his fault. Her capture and torture were all his fault. The ghosts that would stay with her forever, his damn fault.

Adam took another deep breath, closing his eyes to the well manicured courtyard outside the DIA headquarter building quad. One foot pressed up against the concrete he was half leaning against, half sitting on and the other bounced his knee up and down in choppy agitation.

He knew she deserved a heartfelt apology. In his mind, he knew having the humility to admit when you're wrong and seek forgiveness was a positive quality but decades of viewing it as a weakness was hard to fight. He had never heard one apology from any of the men in his family, except in sarcasm. But he was a better man than they were, and the ability to give a sincere apology was only one proof of that.

Adam thrived under pressure when on the job - his mind cleared and would get laser focused while not missing any details. It's what had catapulted him through the ranks to become one of the youngest SpecOps team captains in history. But now, here, off the time clock, the team would be dispersing to their various homes all over the country over the course of the next few days, and Adam didn't have the luxury of lots of time to plan out an apology. Jaz's flight was the first to depart, and that was happening tomorrow morning, bright and early.

The team, sans Preach who had already been transported to a hospital near his home and including Patricia, Noah, and Hannah, was planning one last group dinner and drinks tonight before heading off in their separate directions. And right now, Adam was at a total loss of what to even say to Jaz beyond "I'm so sorry."


	2. Absence2

Chapter 2

Hannah and Jaz enjoyed each other's company, which was nice since Jaz was crashing at Hannah's place until her flight left tomorrow. Though they hadn't gotten to meet face to face before the debrief, they immediately connected and became fast friends.

Hannah's experience as a female operative was invaluable in helping Jaz debrief. The humanity of Jaz's needs as a female actually strengthened the entire team, and Hannah was incredibly helpful in helping them all see that. Usually military men saw femininity as a weakness, but on a team like this, and with her personality, Jaz had a unique opportunity to use it as one of her biggest strengths.

The ride back to Hannah's apartment had been lighthearted, a nice change from the intensity of the last several days of debrief. They were looking forward to this night - hanging out with all the team, one last hurrah before everyone went their separate ways. It was dinner and drinks, but at a pretty swanky club, so the girls thought it would be fun to get glammed up a bit.

Jaz of course, didn't have any cocktail dresses in DC, but fortunately for her, she and Hannah were pretty close to the same size, at least around the waist and bust. Jaz's arms were more conditioned from constant training for battle situations, so none of the sleeved dresses worked, but she had settled on a deep red sheath that hugged her figure more tightly than she preferred, but not to the point of being skanky. A rich lace overlay angled down over the sheath that stopped mid-thigh, creating a dramatic diagonal line from her hip to her calf. Hannah lent her a coordinating shawl to keep the early spring chill off.

Hannah's dress was thoughtfully chosen - the scars on her back and chest were still quite visible, and though she wasn't ashamed of them per se, she also didn't want to put them on display. The high boat neck of emerald beading provided adequate coverage and the satin skirt flounced in two distinct layers, showing off her legs tastefully.

Jaz and Hannah took turns at the bathroom mirror and the stand up vanity in Hannah's room, curling their hair and applying makeup. Jaz didn't much care for getting all made up often, but it was actually fun when there was a friend to do it with.

The conversation turned to the men on the team and Jaz smirked as Hannah dropped Amir's name several times. They had met in Columbia when Jaz was still benched and when the team had returned, McG had been the one to name drop multiple times. Jaz kicked herself for not being more observant to Amir's reaction.

"So...tough day on _you_ today, huh? Reliving Tehran?" Hannah broached the subject carefully.

Jaz sighed. "Yeah...that was not a fun time. Besides killing Jarif with my bare hands, I mean. That was fun."

Hannah smiled and nonchalantly pressed further. "How did you handle it, after Dalton called you out in front of the team? I mean, I know he's done it before, but never to that extent..."

Jaz was quiet for a moment, contemplating her response. That had been really tough. That feeling of not measuring up, of doing what she thought was her dead level best and coming up so short...she never wanted to experience that again.

"I'm not sure if I'd do anything different, to be honest. I wasn't afraid to go in and kill Jarif. But Top always trusted me before, a hundred percent, and now...I mean, think he still does, but I guess I wish I knew for sure. I'll always have his back."

"You two have something special, that I could see over the last few days. Y'all have like, a whole other wavelength that you communicate on."

Jaz stilled, torn in her agreement and the reality that at times things still felt strained. She had put the entire team at risk, gotten herself captured, and then put the team at risk again when they rescued her. She knew her actions had consequences and Dalton was right to correct her when she had gotten tunnel vision. Still, being at odds with her best friend really sucked. And because he was also her commanding officer, it wasn't like she really had the freedom to hash it through and get to the other side without his initiation.

"Yeah, Adam is ... a lot of things —"

"Oh...so it's _Adam_ , is it?" Hannah snickered.

"Hannah. It's not like that. He doesn't see me as anything other than a soldier. We just ... have a lot in common with our past and he's the only CO I've ever had that didn't look at me and see a woman first."

"Uh-huh," Hannah scoffed. "I picked up on the way you two were looking at each other before the rest of the team arrived this morning!"

Jaz smiled to herself, allowing the briefest moment of fantasy. Adam _was_ special to her. In another place, another time, perhaps they would have a real chance, but as it was, he was her CO and she dared not cross the line on her own, as much as she may want to.


	3. Absence 3

Patricia, Jaz and Hannah found each other in the parking lot, minutes before the appointment time for dinner. They exchanged pleasantries and Patricia gave the younger women an approving nod.

"Adam and Amir will have a heard time taking their eyes off you two tonight," she murmured matter of factly.

Hannah and Jaz exchanged startled glances, heat rising on both their faces.

"What are you talking about?" They exclaimed in unison.

Patricia gave them a point glance and smirked. "You don't think I became Deputy Director by being oblivious to what's right in front of my face, do you?"

She turned to lead the way inside. "I'd say you're both gonna give McG a run for his money, but honestly he doesn't stand a chance with the way Adam and Amir attended to each of you over the last week. You've done a good job keeping it professional, but tonight is yours to relax and enjoy."

The ladies entered the club and scanned the room, looking for the rest of the team. McG, Amir, and Noah stood at the bar, drinks in hand, laughing over some tease between them.

"Gentlemen, good evening." Patricia's characteristically curt voice drew their attention and their laughter instantly stilled as they took in the sight of the women in front of them.

McG let out an unabashed whistle. "Damn, ladies! I didn't know this was a fancy date!"

Jaz slugged him on the arm, just hard enough to make her point. "It's _not_ a date!"

Noah nervously shifted on his feet, his hands awkwardly reaching in and out of his pockets like he didn't really know what to do with them. "Hannah, Jaz. Patricia," he nodded to each of them. "You all look —"

He cleared his throat after his voice broke like a teenager. "You all look beautiful tonight." Turning quickly, he motioned the bartender. "Another drink, please!"

Amir didn't say a word, but his eyes drank in Hannah's beauty, if from his peripheral vision. He'd been trained in the art of subtlety and it sure came in handy in times like this. He could casually observe anyone without giving it away.

McG elbowed Amir with a hoot. "Dude, say something. They're gonna think you're blind or something! Don't they look great?"

Amir pretended to just notice the effort the girls had put into their appearance. "Oh, absolutely! Great color for you, Jaz." He gave her a friendly side hug and whispered in her ear, "Wait till Top sees you in this dress."

She blushed and slugged him playfully in the stomach. How almost everyone on the team had clued into the connection between her and Adam was a mystery. She had tried so hard not to do anything that would jeopardize her standing on the team, and having a thing for her captain definitely fell into that category. Still, a tiny flower of hope bloomed that just maybe Adam returned her feelings.

Jaz leaned close to whisper back, "You better ask Hannah to dance before the night is over."

He looked confidently in her eyes and said softly but firmly, "Oh, I plan to." He adjusted his gaze past Jaz and offered his arm to Hannah, "May I order you a drink?"

Adam stood stoically in the corner of the room, observing his team from the distance. The sight of Jaz in that dress...it took his breath away and he was grateful for the momentary reprieve. He'd spent the last three hours mulling over his apology and thought he'd come up with a good plan, but damn. That was before he saw that red lace and more of Jaz's shoulders than he'd ever seen before. It wasn't like he'd never seen her in a dress before, or even without a shirt - she often trained in just a sports bra and leggings, leaving her toned shoulders, back, and abs exposed. But that dress. _Whew_. It really set off her dark hair and smooth skin.

Suddenly Jaz looked up, as if she could feel his gaze. Her eyes clicked with his and a flicker of vulnerability passed between them. She raised her glass towards him then looked away, tuning back in to the conversation around her. The warmth of his gaze when she first caught his eye unsettled her, and she was glad for the people and distance between them. He had dressed up to, and it was hard not to notice how his broad shoulders strained under his shirt and jacket. His hair was freshly cut and damn if he didn't look hot as hell. It was going to be a long night.


	4. Absence 4

Adam tugged at his collar, loosening his tie so he could breathe. It was going to be a long night. He was halfway to the group when a handful of skimpy twenty somethings surrounded him.

Hands squeezed his biceps on either arm and patted his chest in three different places at once. "Hey, handsome! Buy us a drink, will you?"

He rolled his eyes at the gaggle of giggles and uncomfortably extricated himself from their grip. "Sorry, ladies. Another time, perhaps."

They pouted without shame but thankfully let him go. Unfortunately McG saw the whole exchange and was ready to rib Adam as soon as he joined their group.

"Top! Feel free to invite your dates to join us!" He was the only team member completely oblivious to Adam and Jaz's connection. "I'll be glad to play wingman for you tonight!"

"Thanks, MacGuire, but I think I can handle myself," he rolled his eyes again and took a swig of his drink. Jaz was even more stunning up close, the warm lighting catching every sparkle in her eye shadow and glinting off her impossibly glossy red lips.

Patricia clinked her glass to get their attention. "I reserved a quiet room in the back for dinner, if we all want to head that direction. There will be plenty of time after to enjoy the music and dance floor."

They filed back to the room amicably and seated themselves at the long table set up with the perfect number of seats. Candles flickered on the table and the room was warm, but comfortable. Jaz slipped the shawl off her shoulders as she sat towards one end of the table, Noah following close behind to grab the seat next to her.

Adam positioned himself at the other end of the table, in front of Patricia and beside Amir, who somehow had worked it so Hannah was seated next to him. The only seat left for McG who had gotten swept up by the same group of socialites was the head of the table between Jaz and Hannah.

Jaz swallowed the petty annoyance that Adam had chosen a seat basically as far from her as possible and determined to enjoy the night anyway. Insecurity was not a look she ever planned to wear. Besides, with him farther away, she could still catch glimpses of him but not have the pressure of carrying on a coherent conversation with the man who could easily turn her speechless with one flicker from those ocean eyes.

Adam chose his seat out of desperation. Any closer to Jaz and he'd be a fumbling fool the entire night. At least with the distance between them, he could admire her from afar but not have the pressure of involving her too personally in conversation. Usually his control over his emotions was impeccable, but he had flirted with the line of appropriate behavior between captain and soldier too much lately and now that their leave was official, it would be all to easy to abandon all self control and demolish that line completely.

Adam reminded himself that leave didn't mean anything in terms of his status as team leader. The team would be back to work in six months' time and he refused to jeopardize the tenuous balance he had worked so hard to achieve over the last year.

He wasn't sure when this crazy magnetism between the two of them started. He knew for sure it was there back in Seville, though he hadn't been ready to admit it was mutual back then. But it had been slowly building in the months leading up to that op in Spain. And had all but exploded afterwards.

Somehow Jaz had worked her way under his carefully laid armor and reached a part of his heart that he had thought was long dead. Even without the stress of keeping things professional, Adam hadn't a clue as to how he would pursue things if he could. He had worked tirelessly to both open up to Jaz but keep their connection on the down low so as to not upset the team dynamic.

Tehran had changed things in his mind. He had been ready to send the rest of them home, but there was no way in hell that he would leave Iran without Jaz. He would rescue her or die trying. And then there was the whole Alex Hoffman fiasco with his uncanny intuition of their unspoken feelings for each other. When Alex had referred to him as Jaz's boyfriend, his blood pressure had flown through the roof. _Mind_ _games_ , he had snapped, frantic to deflect the truth. But honestly "boyfriend" sounded...so juvenile, when what he and Jaz shared was infinitely more profound. Adam didn't know if he believed in soulmates, but if they were a thing, he was pretty sure Jaz was his.


	5. Absence 5

**A/n: just a heads up that this chapter might get a little more graphic in some dancing descriptions...**

Dinner was done and they were all on their third or fourth drink when the team decided to head back out to the front of the club. Hannah and Amir had laughed their way through dinner, Amir's hand draped causally on the back of her chair, Hannah nonchalantly touching her hand to his arm and knee. Amir led Hannah out first and pulled her into his arms on the dance floor. She moved comfortably in his embrace, smiling softly into the crook of his neck.

Noah scratched his head nervously and asked Jaz if she would like to dance. Her pause was almost imperceptible, checking to see where Adam was. It felt strange spending this entire night with him but not with him at all.

McG had nabbed him and they were engaged in a lively conversation with several young women near the bar. Apparently McG was making good on his promise to play wingman for Adam. Jaz was miffed. She had caught Adam watching her throughout dinner, and she was sure he had something on his mind. She had half expected him to pull her aside to chat after dinner.

Jaz nodded to Noah and moved with him past Adam and McG, not giving them a second glance. If he wanted to ignore her, fine, that was his business. She certainly wasn't going to hang around like a little lost puppy.

Adam caught a flash of red lace sweep past him and Jaz's unmistakable scent of orange blossom wafted through the air. What?!? She is dancing with Noah? Instant jealousy cropped up and Adam startled at the intensity he was feeling. Why shouldn't she dance with Noah? She was free to have a good time and she had the right to dance with anyone she wanted.

Adam ached to the be the one holding Jaz in his arms, to breathe in her scent again, to feel her small hand in his. He had to distract himself or he'd be trailing after her like a junior higher.

Adam grabbed the hand of the girl closest to him and dragged her to the dance floor. Keeping one eye on Jaz, he twirled and glided, pulling the tall brunette closer to his body. He was buzzed and he didn't care. All that mattered right now was getting Jaz out of his freaking head.

The girl in his arms was thrilled at the attention. She was buzzed too, and a little high, though Adam didn't realize it. She moved in Adam's arms, pressing her every curve against his solid body, running her hands down his chest to his waist, pulling his hips to grate against hers.

She was drenched in sweat but didn't even realize it. The music carried her along and she wrapped her arms around Adam's neck, heightening her chest to his collarbone.

Adam allowed himself to finally let go of Jaz and take in the body of the woman in front of him. She wasn't shy in the least and she was practically throwing herself at him. Her strapless dress deepened into a V at the front, showing off every bit of cleavage and her head was tipped back swaying with the music. Basically he had her hips grinding agonist his groin, her full breasts in his face, and the face that would have personalized her to him angled away.

He did what any man who had shaky self control from three too many drinks would do, especially when trying desperately to not screw it all and take his soulmate in his arms and kiss the living hell out of her. He pulled the girl in his arms upright and whispered in her ear, "Let's get out of here. I've got a hotel room a few blocks away."

She shrieked in delight and stumbled towards the door, grasping Adam's hand around her shoulders for balance. Adam purposely avoided looking for Jaz - he was drunk but not enough to think that he wouldn't still throw everything to the wind and make his affection clearly known if he looked in her beautiful eyes and read the unabashed love and respect that he'd grown accustomed to seeing there.

The cool night air whispered on Adam's face as he directed his date towards his hotel. Now that he was out of the loud, hot, chaotic club, he was starting to question the wisdom of a reactionary one night stand.

The girl tugged on his arm, pulling him back into his escape. They were almost to the hotel now. The light closet to his room was broken and he fumbled with the key in the darkness. All the while, the girl beside him groped all up and down his body, pressing her face into his shoulder, boldly acquainting herself with his muscular frame.

Finally the door clicked open and Adam stumbled in, flicking on the light and turning to kiss the woman following him. She enthusiastically reciprocated, pushing him to the bed where their bodies pressed against each other.

Adam gave one last thought to the raven haired ninja on his team, how he had planned the night to go so differently, and that, damn it, he hadn't gotten around to apologizing for his jerky behavior in Tehran. Tomorrow. He'd have one last chance to catch her before her flight left.


	6. Absence 6

The music and heat of the club were closing in on Jaz, and she fumbled an excuse to Noah to dart outside and get some air. McG was dancing with several different girls, seeming to be having the time of his life. Amir and Hannah had left the club a while ago to walk the streets in peace. Patricia had disappeared hours ago, right after dinner was done. And Adam...Jaz had seen him leave half an hour ago, an obviously drunk brunette giggling under his arm.

Jaz breathes in the cool night air, thankful for the calm reprieve. This night had not gone how she had thought it might, especially after Hannah, Patricia, _and_ Amir all intimating that Adam might make a move.

Secretly she had hoped he would - she was tired of the awkward tension between them. Their late night fireside conversations following recent missions had drawn them even closer together. He had really opened up about his past and struggles he currently faced. But then on mission, he had been short and matter of fact; he'd even taken her shot at the compound where Verina was being held. He had never done that before.

Jaz was confused. On one hand, it seemed like Adam wanted to open his heart to her in ways he certainly didn't to anyone else. But then on the other hand, it was almost like he didn't trust her anymore, like he had to cover for her inadequacies. That was what hurt the most. He was her best friend, and even if they were never more than that, she wouldn't be able to bear the loss of that aspect of their relationship. And if he didn't trust her to do her job and keep him safe while he was in the field...Jaz wondered if he even still wanted her on the team.

Noah strolled up next to Jaz, taking in her emotionless face. He knew she wasn't into him, had noticed the obvious chemistry between her and Adam during the debrief. But Adam's bizarre behavior tonight had thrown him for a loop. Maybe he had read them wrong. Adam had barely said two words to Jaz, and she seemed content to ignore him too. But here in the darkness, she seemed sad, disappointed.

"You okay?" he asked.

"Yeah," Jaz whispered, licking her lips. "Yeah, I'll be fine. I think I'm going to grab a cab and head back to Hannah's. I've got an early flight in the morning."

"Sure. Did you enjoy the night at all? I know you weren't really into dancing with me..." his voice trailed off. "I just wanted you to know you're not alone."

"Noah," Jaz scrubbed a hand over her face and sighed. "Thank you. It wasn't exactly what I expected, and it felt weird not having Preach with us, but it was fine. Looks like it ended up being a good night for McG and Amir and Hannah, at least."

"Yeah, I've got to tell you, I did not see the two of them happening!" Noah was a tiny bit jealous of the shorter man; had worked with the eye catching former spy for months, trying to get close and befriend her, and she'd briefly met Amir on one measly mission and now they were inseparable.

Jaz grinned, but it didn't reach her eyes. "I guess when it's the right person, you just fit, no matter your differences or circumstances... wow... I just sounded like Preach!"

Jaz stifled a yawn and Noah stepped down towards the curb. "Let me get that cab for you."

Noah tapped the cab door after closing it then raised a hand in salutation to its occupant. Jaz returned the gesture and watched as he hailed a cab for himself.

Jaz's thoughts turned to her upcoming flight and the leave that it signified. She was heading to her apartment out west. She was the only team member who lived west of the Mississippi, and she loved her little space in the corner of the country. It was about as far away from New Your City as she could get.

She couldn't wait to get out on the hiking trails and breathe in the fresh, clean air of the Pacific Northwest forest. There was nothing like it. No, it wasn't as popular or well known as the Appalachian trail or the Grand Canyon, but it was gorgeous. It was freeing. It was home.


	7. Absence 7

Jaz shouldered her pack as she stood at the entrance of the airport. Travel as a civilian didn't come with the same perks she enjoyed while on duty, so the team would have to stay outside of security. She had arrived two and a half hours early so the team could enjoy one last breakfast together, as team tradition. Everyone always came to the airport to send everyone off. They'd followed the same protocol every single time they'd returned from deployment ever since she'd joined the team.

She was the first one here but expected the rest would be arriving soon. Sure enough, it wasn't five minutes before Amir and McG entered together, laughing and teasing as usual. This time it seemed to center on their "accomplishments" of the prior evening. Apparently the medic who could have easily passed as a model had finally checked a three way off his bucket list and Amir...well, he kept saying a gentleman doesn't kiss and tell, but the nonstop smiling and faint blush in his cheeks and clear sparkle in his eye told the story for him. Things had gone well for them both last night.

"Where's Top?" McG queried as he grabbed one of Jaz's suitcases, ready to roll it towards their preferred restaurant.

Jaz shrugged. "Not here yet. Did you hear from him last night?"

Both men shook their heads. McG looked around with a puzzled furrow in his eyebrows. It was strange that their captain wasn't here yet. Typically he was the first one to arrive at these airport send offs.

Amir glances at his watch. "Should we find a table? He can join us when he gets here, but at least we can order some food."

Jaz took a deep breath and sighed, casting one last glance at the doors of the airport. "I guess so. I've got to get to security in about an hour or so."

The trio turned and headed towards the restaurant. They settled in to a table that was positioned close to the walkway so they could flag down Dalton when he arrived. McG put his order in, then excused himself to the restroom.

McG stared at his phone in bewilderment. He had tried calling Dalton twice already and sent a handful of texts, but it was nothing but crickets coming back. Complete non communication was not something that Adam did, ever. And the fact that his flight out to Pennsylvania was scheduled for less than six hours later, it was doubly strange that he wasn't here yet.

Finally McG decided to put a quick call into Hannah. Perhaps they had heard from him, or knew his whereabouts at least. Hannah answered on the second ring and listened attentively as McG explained the situation.

She turned to ask Noah and Patricia if either of them had seen Adam since last night. Patricia immediately scowled in concern. Noah chewed on his lip as he recalled the last time he'd seen Adam.

Jaz had swiveled her head abruptly and Noah followed her gaze. Adam had his arm around a pretty young woman dressed in barely anything, her body pressed suggestively against his, both of them walking a bit unsteadily towards the exit of the club. Jaz turned her attention back to Noah and tried to hide her frustration, but he perceived not just annoyance but deep disappointment too. It wasn't a surprise when she made a flimsy excuse to go outside less than half an hour later.

Noah relayed his observation of Adam and his companion, noting the approximate time they had departed the club. Patricia was tapping away on a tablet she'd grabbed from the desk and relayed her information to Hannah.

He was staying at the hotel down the street from the club, in room 107. Apparently he hadn't checked out yet, according to the hotel's records.

The home team relayed all the information to McG and assured him they would attempt contact and keep him updated. McG thanked them and made his way back to Amir and Jaz, who were halfway through their breakfast.

"Hey guys. I called Hannah at headquarters and she said it looks like Top is still at his hotel. They're going to try to coordinate with him since we haven't been able to make contact."

The clanging alarm was so loud, so piercing. Adam rolled over and stuffed another pillow over his head. It had been a long time since he had gotten so wasted and now his head was paying the price. The overpowering sound rang again, pounding pain threatening to explode his skull. Why couldn't someone just turn it off already?

Finally the ringing stopped and Adam relaxed back into a fitful sleep, grateful for the silence. He tossed around on the bed, unconsciously searching for a more comfortable position. His cell phone clattered to the floor and slid under the bedside stand. Didn't really matter, the battery was dead anyway and Adam was oblivious to the lengthening morning hour.

What seemed like minutes later but in reality was almost an hour later, Adam woke again, this time to insistent pounding on his door. Usually, the polite thing to do was knock three or four times and then wait for the door to be answered, but is that what was happening? No...whoever was seeking entry was pounding without pause.

Adam dragged himself out of the bed, surprised at the cool breeze that assaulted his bare skin and all the activity of last night came crashing through the fog in his brain. He'd spent the night forgetting about Jaz, drowning his desire for her in a cheap imitation and more beer than should be consumed by one person at one time.

He jerked on the jeans he found discarded on the floor and muttered towards the insistent pounding on the door, "All right! All right! I'm coming!"

He squinted against the blinding sun as he opened the door. He expected a big, burly figure but instead was greeted by a thin blond woman.

"Adam. You okay?" Patricia's voice was curt and slightly impatient.

He swiped a hand over his face and tried to clear his head. "Yeah. I'm good."

Patricia glanced past his still naked chest to the rumpled covers on the bed and the woman sprawled within them. She raised one eyebrow inquisitively at her favorite team leader and pursed her lips.

"Your team is trying to get in touch with you," she stated pointedly. She reached up and flipped her aviator sunglasses over her cool blue eyes. "And Adam, don't do anything else you'll regret come next deployment. You still have to be respected by your team...including your sniper."

And with that she spun around and marched back to her car, slammed the door shut and sped away. Adam stood dumbfounded in the doorway, watching her drive away but not really seeing it.

A miserable groan pulled Adam from his reverie. The weight of what Patricia said hit with full force. Adam whirled around and snatched up all the clothes on the floor that didn't belong to him. He pulled the girl out of the bed a little rougher than he meant to and shoved the handful of clothes into her arms.

"You need to leave. Get dressed and a cab will be here to pick you up." He pointed her in the direction of the bathroom and gave her a gentle shove. He scanned the room, searching for his phone. He had to call Jaz, let her know he overslept and didn't mean to miss breakfast. After the choices he had made last night, he wouldn't blame her if she never spoke to him again.

He whispered a curse under his breath as he searched for his phone. Where was the damn thing? He yanked a t-shirt over his head and shoved the rest of his things into his bag. Thankfully there wasn't much to pack. He grabbed the room phone and asked the front desk to call for two taxis, immediately.

The girl jiggled the handle of the bathroom door and Adam quickly pulled t open. Her eyes were red and bloodshot, but she was dressed. Adam swept a frantic glance around the bathroom, still hunting for his cell. He let out a frustrated grunt when he didn't find it. He checked his watch.

 _8:47_

Great. Jaz's flight left in less than an hour. If he was fast, he could still catch her in the terminal since his flight was later that day.

Adam swung his bag on his shoulder and huddled the girl into the first cab. The second cab pulled up moments later and Adam jumped inside.

"To the airport. Fast, please!"

The driver nodded and turned out of the parking lot. Traffic in the District was always horrid, but it seemed extra slow this morning. Dalton anxiously looked out the window, searching for empty side streets and nervously checked his watch over and over.

 _8:53...8:58...9:06...9:10_

"Can you go any faster?" He begged the cabbie.

"Sorry, dude. Can't go where there's not a space!" He didn't sympathize much with folks who left late and then expected him to make up time in DC traffic.

 _9:14...9:19...9:21_

The control tower finally inched into view and Adam thrust a handful of cash to the driver. "Thanks, man. Keep the change."

They were stopped — again — so Adam grabbed his bags and sprinted to the sidewalk, hoisting his bags onto his shoulders and keeping them steady with one hand. All the training he'd continued to put in paid off as he raced towards the airport, passing vehicle after vehicle stopped in the deadlock.

He was glad both his bags were small enough to count as carryons and he rushed to security, desperate to see Jaz before her plane left in — he glanced down at his watch again — _9:29_ — exactly sixteen minutes. _C'mon, c'mon! Let's go! We all know how this works!_

It was 9:34 by the time it was Adam's turn to walk through the machine. Push the bag through on the conveyor belt. Step into the machine: arms up, legs out, pause, move on.

An alarm sounded and dozens of TSA workers and police officers surrounded the machine, guns drawn, all pointed at Dalton. "Put your hands on your head and move backwards! Now!"

Adam followed orders immediately, heart dropping when he realized what was going on. _Stupid fool!_ He was traveling as a civilian! He wasn't allowed to keep his sidearm on him. His personal handgun had become so much a part of him, he had totally forgotten he would have to check it. They'd flown on a military flight from Landstuhl, Germany where Preach had initially been transferred after the bomb explosion in Turkey, and hadn't needed to worry about it, but this... This was a whole other scenario.

The idea of getting to talk to Jaz before her flight left was out the window, up in the sky, like, a continent away by now. Adam quietly submitted to every order, even the officers who were a little too rough, without fight. There was no fight left in him. He had failed and it stung. And it was all his own damn dumb fault.


	8. Ansence 8

Jaz reluctantly finished her breakfast, casting not so surreptitious sidelong glances down the airport corridor. _Where was he?_ Had she really completely misread the last six months? They had grown so close this past year. Deployment tended to do that - when you're forced into close quarters with the same three people for two years at a time and then tossed into high stress, dangerous situations in which you need each other to survive, you tend to get close.

But Jaz had sensed something...different this time. Adam had opened up his heart about his past. He rarely gave anyone on the team a glimpse into those things that had formed who he was today. Even Preach, who had known him for over a decade, wasn't privy to much information regarding Adam's past. But he had willingly volunteered it to Jaz.

Amir observed Jaz with concern filled eyes. He knew how much their captain meant to her and though he hadn't noticed much of anything last night (besides how Hannah was completely ravishing in that deep green dress), this morning's absence was uncharacteristic. Top was loyal, and punctual for that matter. There had to be a good reason for not showing up. Still, Amir could only imagine how much it sucked for Jaz.

McG had kept his phone out throughout breakfast, ready for any contact from Hannah or Adam. It lay loudly silent the entire time.

Finally Jaz dragged herself from the chair, defeatedly gathering her bags. "Guys, thanks for being here. I know it was a sacrifice to get up early this morning after last night."

Though the humor didn't quite reach her eyes, McG and Amir both chuckled at her joke. That last line had been delivered drier than a desert.

"Of course, sis." McG wrapped her in a warm, full hug, squeezing her small frame fondly. "Enjoy your leave, but don't get too soft, or I'll have to whoop your ass when we ship out."

Jaz rolled her eyes and slugged him playfully. _As if!_

Next was Amir's turn to say goodbye. He didn't particularly like goodbyes, especially not for someone who had come to remind him so much of his sister. Amir took Jaz's shoulders in each of his hands and gave them a firm squeeze. "Jaz. Take care of yourself."

"You too, Amir," Jaz put one hand on his. "Thanks for...working through all the crap I gave you this year. I'm...I'm glad to have you on our team."

Amir simply smiled at her, grateful to be beyond the annoyance and frustration. He was glad to be on the team too.

The two men stood outside the restaurant and watched the lone female member of their team jog toward security. She had pushed it for time, never losing hope that Adam would somehow appear, and now she had to make it up.

"Well, Amir, my flight's not until Thursday...and I think there may still be a girl or two in my hotel room. You wanna join me?" His eyes sparkled, knowing what his answer would be.

Amir rolled his eyes and turned to the corridor leading to the entrance of the airport. "No thanks, Joseph. I'm heading to the Mosque for proper prayers today, and I have a date tonight." Though his smile was understated, the excitement it concealed was not. "Let me know when you hear from Top?"

"Will do, as long as he's not dead...and if he's not, I may just kill him first!" McG quipped in frustration.

Amir left the airport with a final salute to McG. The terminal was picking up in activity. A low buzz of talking, bags clacking on the floor, and kids playing by the big window comforted McG - the civilian sounds meant he was home.

He'd lied to Amir. The girls were gone from the hotel - they'd left sometime in the wee hours of the morning. McG found a bench near the front revolving door and settled into it, eyes focused on finding one man, phone still in his hand, ready for a call.

The phone finally rang, startling McG so sharply that he dropped it. Snatching it up, he answered, "Top, is that you?"

"No, McG. It's Patricia."

"Oh! Sorry, ma'am. Have you heard from Captain Dalton?"

"I have. I visited his hotel room. McG, I'm going to give you some sensitive information that I'd rather you not share with Jaz. Is she around?"

"No ma'am, she went through security about twenty minutes ago."

"Good. McG, I'm sure you've noticed the ... intensity ... of Jaz and Adam's relationship."

McG frowned. _What? Intensity of their relationship?_

Patricia went on, "Adam spent the night in his hotel room with a girl from the club last night." She paused.

McG nodded in mutual camaraderie. So had he...well, basically.

"I'm confused, ma'am. What does that have to do with Jaz?" McG racked his brain, searching for a connection.

"McGuire. Have you not picked up on the fact that Jaz and Adam both have been flirting with the line of appropriate platonic behavior between captain and soldier for quite some time now? I mean, I saw it back in Afghanistan at the prison. You've been with them day in and day out for months, you can't tell me you didn't notice." Her voice was incredulous.

Realization finally dawned. McG's eyebrows shot up and his eyes stared unseeing at the airport floor. "Ohhhhh."

Damn. Top had really done it this time. And McG had encouraged him in his pursuit of those girls last night. McG could kick himself.

"Hold on, Director. I see him coming in." McG closes the phone and stood to intercept Adam.

Adam sprinted past McG, not even noticing the medic's presence. He bypassed bag check and raced toward security, hefting two small bags on his shoulder.

"Top!" McG called, to no avail. He shook his head and headed toward security. Perhaps he could catch him in the line.

McG called Adam's name several times but every time it seemed to fall on deaf ears. Soon the blond man was at the conveyor belt, filling the buckets with his two bags. He walked into the X-ray machine and stood spread eagle impatiently.

Suddenly all sorts of alarms went off and McG was passed by a handful of police officers and TSA agents. Shouts rang out and McG began to spring into action before remembering he was in civilian attire and on home soil. Top was kneeling on the ground, this side of security with his hands interlocked behind his head. His eyes were closed and he didn't resist the least, even when the officers around him shoved his face to the ground. It was like the man had given up.

McG watched as Dalton's personal weapon was lifted gingerly from his concealed holster. He decided it might be wise to stick around and provide a character witness if needed. He shook his head again. The man on the ground was crazy. Crazy in love, apparently.


	9. Absence 9

**A/n: to answer a few questions (thanks for all the fun interaction in the comments, by the way, I love it!)... I don't think we will meet Jaz's family...but perhaps Elijah's family will get a visit. Not letting Dalton "perform" with the chick from the club - brilliant. I'll definitely take that under advisement. Jaz definitely has some more positive things coming, though not necessarily Dalton related. Stay tuned for a mid-leave team reunion for Jalton to get back on track (winky face), and yeah, Adam is gonna be regretting his cowardice of their last night and absence at breakfast for quite a while...especially since Jaz won't be home when he tries to come and visit her!**

Jaz jingled her keys thoughtfully as she walked up the steps to her apartment. While she absolutely loved her job, it was good to be home. She had spent a good one part of the first flight going back and forth in her mind over the strange behavior of her captain.

His quick forgiveness when she'd questioned him during an op. His deep, almost intimate voice when teaching her about the constellations. The way his clear blue eyes had sparkled so temptingly when he told her that he knew exactly what she was thinking, but refused to prove it. The way he absolutely trusted her to make impossible shots, and then cheered her on when she did. His gentle hand on her shoulder while they were walking through a crowded street. The way just the sight of his handsome face instantly calmed her freaked out nerves after that truck bomb exploded on the beach. How he almost always picked her to partner with as they moved through different mission scenarios and how they worked in sync with each other without even trying. The flicker of firelight on his skin as they drank their beer and talked about the ghosts that haunted them. The instantaneous defense he'd thrown up when Alex Hoffman had called him her boyfriend. His tender hands that cradled her head so carefully after pulling her out of that transport-to-death van. The warmth of his body behind her as they rode under the truck floorboards and his quiet perception of her emotional needs. The intensity in his face and voice when she'd reacted to not being allowed to accompany the team to Columbia and the vulnerability in his eyes and brokenness in his voice when he said he would never forgive himself of something happened to her.

Then there was the anger he'd directed toward her when they first lost Jarif. Never before had he come down on her so outspokenly and in front of the entire crew. It was humiliating. Then he didn't trust her enough to take an easy shot and took it for her on their last mission. The way he'd so obviously avoided her that last night at dinner and the almost obnoxious behavior with the girl McG had set him up with. That was just completely out of character. Then this morning at breakfast. It was good Jaz had had a window seat because a few tearsr had slid down her cheeks as she mulled over any logical reason for him to miss breakfast. The only two she could come up with was he was either dead or just really didn't care anymore and the dead option was unlikely. Maybe being back stateside gave him perspective lacking in the heat of the field, and now he could see that the line that had seemed so fuzzy was now crystal clear.

The second flight was much more profitable. She spent half of it napping and the other half planning out her first two months back home. She'd spend the first three days giving her apartment a good scrubbing and replenishing her fridge, making cookies to share with her neighbors, and visiting the local animal shelter. Since she was always gone so long at a time, she couldn't in good conscience own her own animal, so the shelter afforded her access to all kinds of animals in need of love.

After that, it was a backpacking trip through the Cascades. Every trip was a new experience because of the frequent forest fires that ravaged the northwest and while most natives to the area got upset when the fires would change the landscape but Jaz found a certain beauty in it. The trip would take several weeks, and after that, she'd visit Elijah's family down in Texas for a bit, then return back to her apartment for a week or so before heading to Preach's home for the team's traditional mid-leave get together.

McG followed behind the officers that were directing Adam toward a containment room. The man still hadn't noticed him yet, but he figured a friendly face might come in handy.

The officers led Adam through a pair of heavy double doors that required a pass to open. One of them held up a hand to stop McG from following. "Authorized access, only sir."

"That man is a Captain in the US Special Forces, sir. I'm under his command, and I just wanted to volunteer my services if I can be of assistance in anyway."

The officer considered McG's claim, then nodded in acquiescence. "Right this way. Follow me please."

He allowed McG entrance then directed him down a series of hallways and into an empty room with only a wooden bench bolted to the floor as decoration.

"Wait here, please." And with that, the man disappeared.

McG stood in the middle of the room for several minutes before making himself comfortable on the floor. He always preferred the floor over hard chairs. Minutes passed by, seeming to turn into hours, but his watch informed him it was really only 50 minutes since he had been left.

McG had settled into a zone, almost asleep, when the door opened abruptly and three uniformed officers entered, one carrying a folding chair. He jumped to his feet, ready to testify to Adam's loyalty to the United States and position in the Army. One of the officers motioned for McG to sit on the bench.

"What is your business at the airport today? Why have you been loitering here all morning? What is your real name? Who do you work for?"

The questions came fast and hard and took McG by surprise. He sat in stunned silence for a moment before slowly beginning to answer the questions.

"My name is Sgt. Joseph McGuire. I'm a combat medic in Special Operations Team 7. Captain Adam Dalton is my commanding officer, and he reports to Deputy Director Patricia Campbell. My team just returned from two and a half years on deployment in Turkey and I came here to the airport to send off our sniper. I know Captain Dalton has a flight later on today, so I stuck around."

"And why was he racing through security with a weapon on his person? Did he stop when he saw you outside of security? His flight isn't for another four hours, so why was he in such a hurry?"

Again with the rapid fire questions.

"Uh..." McG ran an unsteady hand over his face. He had guesses for those questions, but really it was all conjecture.

"I'm not really sure...he was planning to meet us for breakfast but I guess he overslept. He was probably trying to catch Jaz before her plane left off. As to why he was carrying his weapon...I'm not sure other than carrying a gun in the field becomes second nature and he honestly probably forgot he was even packing."

The officers exchanged glances and low whispers. The one in the folding chair stood and gestures to McG. "Your story checks out. You are free to go. Thanks for your cooperation."

"Where's Top? I mean, Captain Dalton? I need to speak to him."

"He is still answering some questions," the men were ushering McG out of the room and down the hall towards the double doors. "You're free to go now."


	10. Absence 10

**A/n: Jaz lives in the Pacific Northwest—Oregon somewhere maybe? As far away from New York as possible but not be in California...**

 **Also, slight trigger warning for a little motorcycle whumping...poor Adam can't catch a break!**

Adam stared at his computer screen. An email seemed so...insufficient, insulting even. The events of the last week had worn him out and frustrated him at every move. Not only had he totally screwed up his last opportunity to apologize Jaz over his unacceptable behavior in Tehran, but he hadn't even made it to breakfast, something he hadn't done ever. He could only imagine how hurt Jaz must feel.

After missing his flight because of his idiot move of forgetting about his handgun, Patricia had called the head of airport security and gotten him released. He had a new phone in his possession and had tried calling Jaz but after five tries with no answer, Dalton realized she must be screening her calls. And since his first few weeks of leave were booked solid, an email it was.

 _Dear Jaz..._

The cursor blinked accusingly at Adam. He'd been sitting there for a good portion of the last hour and all he could get down was "Dear Jaz."

Adam sighed and stood. He had to get out of his tiny apartment and move around. He felt stifled in the city. He had dinner with his sisters planned for the evening but the day was his. Maybe after getting some air the email would come easier.

Wind whipped around Adam's torso, and he was thankful for the thick leather protecting him from it's bite. His helmet provided the comforting, heavy weight that he'd grown accustomed to associating with the freedom of the ride. His bike was something his sisters hated, but he figured in his line of work, he was more likely to get hurt on the job than on a twice yearly motorcycle ride through the country roads of Pennsylvania. The ride exhilarated him, cleared his thoughts and gave him perspective.

Jaz would love it out here. Adam didn't know if she had ever ridden a motorcycle but he could totally see her loving it and probably even smoking him in a race. It had been eight days since he had seen her last, the longest he'd gone without talking to her in over two years, and it left him strangely lonely. He hadn't spoken to Preach or McG in that same time either, but he didn't feel their absence the same.

Jaz consumed his every thought, except when he was speeding down the highway and all he could think was breathing and balance. She was there haunting his dreams, she was there at the supermarket, there at the subway, there at the restaurant when he should have been focused on the family and friends that were actually there.

He slowed his bike as he rolled onto a side road, heading towards the lake he would swim at when he was a kid. It was always a good spot to gather his thoughts and write out whatever was going on inside his brain. Maybe that place would give him some clarity as he attempted writing a letter to Jaz. He could transfer it to the computer when he got home.

 _Dear Jasmine,_

Adam wasn't sure why he used her full first name, but that's how it came out.

 _I know my actions of late have been conflicting. On one hand I've confided in you and chosen to share parts of my heart with you that I didn't even know still existed. And at the same token, I've belittled you in front of the team, mistrusted your work, and worst of all, thrown all your kindnesses in your face. There is no excuse for my avoidance of you that last night at the club, or of my absence at breakfast the day you left DC. I've been a complete jerk, and I'm deeply sorry for the way I have hurt you. It breaks my heart to realize that I am the cause of hurt in your life. Please know I never set out to hurt you. I hope someday I can make it up to you._

 _Can I see you? I'd love to talk face to face and sort this all out before we come back to work in half a year. I don't want to leave things unsettled between us. Please think about it._

 _Adam_

Adam wasn't sure about the salutation. He'd have to try out some different taglines once he put it on his computer. Obviously "love, Adam" wasn't quite appropriate. "Sincerely, Captain Dalton" left a formal, insincere aftertaste. Maybe "Yours, Top" would work to convey both the genuine investment he was putting in but keep it somewhat neutral too. Adam stuff the notebook and pen back into his bike bag and remounted the motorcycle. Time to get home.

Adam had stayed at the lake longer than he meant to, and now he was running late to be home and ready for dinner with his sisters. He gunned the gas and sped down the highway, not noticing the semi coming around the curve a little too fast. Before he knew it, he was spinning out of control, his bike going in one direction and his body in another. He saw grass and trees and road flying by before the ditch came up to greet his sprawling limbs.

Being shot was painful, but being hit by a semi was like being shot all over your whole body all at once. Adam lay motionless in the ditch where'd fallen, overwhelmed by the pain throbbing in his legs and chest. Every breath was a chore.

A Good Samaritan that had observed the accident scrambled down the ditch to look for Adam. She checked Adam's pulse and found it thready. His thigh was gushing blood and his face was chalky and beaded with sweat. The woman uncircled her scarf from around her neck and pressed it onto his thigh, leaning her body weight onto the bleeding wound.

"Hold on, man. The ambulance is coming. Just hold on." She stayed at Adam's side applying pressure until the paramedics arrived on scene.


	11. Absence 11

**A/n: Well! That motorcycle accident threw me for a loop! Wasn't expecting that! This story has taken on a life of its own, and I'm interested to see where it takes our beloved team.**

McG sat in Adam's hospital room, shaking his head. After all the close calls and imminent danger of their last deployment, Adam had escaped relatively unharmed. The man drives a motorcycle down a country road and ends up in a body cast. The irony would have been hilarious had Adam's condition not been so serious.

McG had gotten in touch with Amir and Patricia to let them know about Adam's contact. He was grateful Adam's sisters had remembered his name and contacted him when they found him labeled at John Doe in the hospital. Apparently his things hadn't been recovered yet and no one knew who he was until they identified him.

McG had left a message with Preach's wife - the Navy Seal was still in the hospital near his home, thankfully out of his coma and recovering nicely, but still not back to normal yet.

And Jaz. McG had tried to get in touch with her but no calls were going through. Even Patricia hadn't been able to locate her or make contact. McG knew she liked to go hiking while on leave, but the total communication black out concerned him a bit.

Jaz huffed as she climbed, her legs screaming at her, and her lungs straining for every breath, but she pressed on. The lush green of the trees made the entire atmosphere seem alive. Her boots gripped the rough dirt of the trail and a slight mist tickled her face, turning her normally sleek dark hair into a mass of whisky tendrils.

Her pack dug into her shoulders, and her canteen bumped against her leg. For all the hard work of climbing mountain after mountain, the reward was worth it. She was almost to the top of the trail and the view was breathtaking.

A few more steps and she'd be at the clearing at the top. There was a break in the trees and Jaz caught her breath at the sight of clouded mountains and forest rolling into fog. Adam came unbidden into her thoughts. He would love this. The grueling hike, the woods, the waterfall she'd passed an hour ago, and this view. Was it totally crazy for her to miss him? To wish he was here with her, taking in all this beauty?

She sat, propping her back against a rock and just breathed, let the stress of all her confusion over her handsome captain drain away. Out here in the mountains, this was where she gained perspective. Tight quarters and intense missions had forged a bond between them, but now Jaz thought maybe that was it...like survivors of a mutual tragedy or trauma feeling connected even though before they were strangers. Maybe it wasn't love. Maybe it was just survival, and the dark nights and firelight glow had romanticized things in her head.

A tear surprised Jaz as it rolled down her cheek and splashed onto her arm. Letting go of her infatuation with Adam wasn't as hard as she thought it would be, but the grief she felt...that was unexpected. She hadn't realized just how much she'd grown to depend on him. And that scared her. She had never depended on anyone else before, never could. She only had herself. But Adam's insistent nature of having her back and trusting her instincts had built her confidence in ways she hadn't realized and now that he was effectively gone, she was a little unsteady.

She considered putting in for a transfer. Avoiding him altogether would be easier. But it would also be the cowardly thing to do, and Jaz was not a coward. Besides, Adam was just one man. She still had Preach and McG...okay, okay, and Amir too.

Jaz took in more deep breaths and closed her eyes, drinking in the stillness, the creaking of the forest, cracking branches and trickling water, and insects buzzing. This. This was her happy place.


	12. Absence 12

**A/n: Seriously, y'all's comments are the sweetest! Thanks for stalking! I'm writing furiously as I nurse my baby to sleep! Sorry if there are longer pauses...I've got three little ones and one on the way and that first trimester exhaustion and nausea are in full force!**

It had been three weeks since the accident. Three weeks since Adam had written that letter. And three more weeks without hearing from her. Adam was grieving. He guessed he deserved it, but that didn't make her silence any easier.

McG had stayed until he woke up from the medical sedation. Adam had broken ribs (no surprise), a broken leg and arm, dislocated shoulder, and cracked collarbone. Thankfully his helmet had done its job and protected his skull. He was basically recovered now but still had weeks of physical therapy before he would be mission ready.

Amir sent consistent texts and emails, encouraging his efforts at getting back to normal. Preach had called a few times, his quiet voice drawing comfort around Adam like a blanket. Patricia had sent a beef jerky basket. And from Jaz...nothing but silence. Her absence screamed at him.

Adam determined to go see her as soon as he could walk without too much help. His ribs, arm and collarbone were fine. It was this bum leg that made up most of the physical therapy work, and he had to build up strength.

Maybe if he could see her, face to face, they could finally talk. He didn't know why she had ignored all his calls, texts, and emails besides that she must hate him. But she hadn't applied for a transfer and no one else on the team had heard from her either. It was unlike Jaz to so completely pull away from all the men on her team.

She was the one that drove him to heal, to build back the muscle, to get back into shape. He had to be ready to captain their team and he refused to do her the disservice of being less than par for the course. He remembered her unwavering discipline in daily training, even when she was doubled over in pain or wiped out from exhaustion. She never quit. He wouldn't either.

It had been a solid month of being on the trails of the Cascades. It had been arduous and exhausting but so good. Jaz unlocked her apartment and stepped inside, grateful that at least this time she didn't have to scrub the whole thing down.

She'd bake some more cookies for her neighbors this week before heading south to visit Elijah's family. She had good neighbors who kept an eye on her place while she was gone, and every time she would come home, she did what she could to extend her gratitude.

Jaz checked her landline. Strange, no messages. She had told McG she would be hiking and out of cell service for a while, but she thought he might have called to check up on her. To be honest, she was a little disappointed there was no message from Adam, but after the weeks of clearing her head, she refused to dwell on that.

Jaz plugged her phone into its charger and headed out to grab some takeout. It would take a while to charge enough to turn on, and she hoped to talk to at least some of her guys before bed tonight.

Preach wiped the sweat from his brow as he finished up his set of physical therapy exercises. The work was intense but he welcomed it. It meant he was alive and had the potential to go through one more deployment with the team he'd grown to love.

His phone jingled, signaling an incoming call and he swiped it up next to his ear after checking the caller ID.

"Hey, sweet Jasmine! How are you?"

"Preach! So good to hear your voice! How are you?"

"Naw, girl, I asked you first! I haven't heard from you on over a month. I was starting to get worried."

"I was hiking. Took a little longer of a trip this time. Had to clear my head and get perspective on some things."

"Mmhmm. Things like a certain lovestruck captain of ours?" Jaz could hear the smirk in his voice.

"Lovestruck? No, Preach. I totally misread Top's intentions. He is definitely not into me that way, and you know what? It's a good thing. Because he is my CO and flirting with that line never did any of us any good. It's dangerous. There's a reason there are rules against it."

"Well..." Preach was flummoxed. He knew what he had sensed between Adam and Jaz was real. And he knew at least Adam's side of the story of their last few hours together. "The truth is not always what it seems, Jaz. Sometimes you have to dig deeper than the obvious to find what is reality."

Jaz smiled at the cryptic statements. Preach was back to his mysterious ways, and that felt good.

"So...I answered your questions. Now you answer mine. How are you doing? What's the prognosis? Is our halfway point barbecue still on?"

Preach chuckled at the barrage of questions. "My neurosurgeon has given me the thumbs up to go back to work. Just waiting on my PT to get me back up to field readiness! And of course our barbecue is on! I'm looking forward to seeing you! And maybe you and Adam can have a heart to heart and clear some things up."

"Well, I'm not making any promises on that front. But I'm looking forward to seeing you. I'm heading down to see Eli's family next week. Any messages you want me to pass along?"

"Just that they are often in my prayers. Thanks, Jaz."

"Take care, Preach. I'll be seeing you soon."

"It's Joe. You know what to do."

Beep!

Jaz hated leaving messages. She was tempted to just hang up and not leave one altogether, but it had been a solid month since she'd talked to McG and thought it would be good to at least put forth a little effort.

"Hey dude, it's me, Jaz. Just wanted to touch base with you. Had a great hiking trip up the Cascades. Seriously, dude, one of these days ya gotta come with me. You'd love all the female hikers in their cropped shirts and leggings. Okay, well, I'm going out of town again in a few days, so if I don't hear from you, I'll catch you on the flip side."

Jaz pressed _End Call_ then dialed Amir. She wasn't quite sure she was ready to talk to Dalton yet, but it would be good to get the rest of the guys out of the way before heading to Elijah's family ranch.

Amir's call was a little awkward. He was surprised to hear from her and it showed. He mentioned something about Top feeling better which was kind of odd, but Jaz guessed she was glad he was getting over whatever had upset him. The stilted conversation came to an abrupt end when Amir got a call from Hannah and Jaz was glad to be done with the conversation.

Lastly, Jaz called Elijah's brother. They finalized the plan - Eddie would fly up in a day or two to road trip down to Texas with her. It would be the first visit since Elijah's death, and Jaz wanted to hold onto the road trip tradition. The three of them had had some seriously fun times in the past and Jaz hoped to rekindle the easy friendship with Eddie.

The phone buzzed while Jaz was laughing with Eddie about some distant memory of one of Elijah's crazy antics. She pulled the phone away from her ear to see who was calling. It was an unknown number. Jaz shrugged and went back to her conversation. If it was important, whoever it was could leave a message.

Adam sighed and hung up the phone. If Jaz wouldn't talk to him on the phone he was just going to have to fly out and see her in person. It was past time to clear the air.


	13. Absence 13

**A/n: Sorry it's a short one, but I'm not sure I'll have to finish up anymore tonight and wanted to set this up for what's to come!**

Jaz and Eddie finished loading up Jaz's little car. It was a junker clunker but it held loads of memories. They would leave at first light in the morning. Jaz took the car to the gas station to fill up and grab dinner, leaving Eddie at the apartment.

Jaz had confided a little in Eddie about her frustration with her captain. No details, but enough for him to know it had been a rough last few weeks. He also knew the jerk hadn't even tried contacting Jaz in the last month and a half. _#notimpressed_

Eddie jumped at the sound a heavy handed knock

on the door. He considered ignoring it, but decided he better answer. He was met with the sight of his dead brother's captain. The man didn't seem to recognize him, but Eddie knew it was Adam Dalton. They had met at Elijah's memorial, but Dalton hadn't really been invested in keeping in touch after that.

Eddie opened the door wide and just stood there, staring at Adam defiantly. He had no good reason to extend any friendliness to the guy.

Adam's face didn't hide his surprise at the unexpected occupant of the apartment. He pinched his lip between his fingers as he was prone to do.

"Uh...I was looking for Jaz?" He said a little uncertainly.

"She's not here." Eddie crossed his arms, daring Adam to press further.

"Um, will she be back soon?"

Eddie shrugged. Soon was such a relative term.

Eddie paused, then decided to lead him on a bit. "We're actually heading down to my place in the morning for a few weeks."

Adam's eyes searched the doorframe, the wall, the door mat, anything but the young man in front of him. Apparently Jaz had moved on. It was disappointing, devastating, but Adam couldn't show that. No, he would be the bigger man and bow out gracefully.

"Okay well, will you tell her I stopped by? I guess I'll just catch up with her later."

"Uh-huh." Eddie's voice was noncommittal but it was out of Adam's control.

Adam slowly turned and walked back to his rental car, parked at the edge of the lot. Defeated, he sat in the driver's seat and just stared out the windshield. He had no motivation for anything. He had his chance with Jaz and had blown it; he couldn't blame anyone but himself. Still, it stung seeing Jaz move on so quickly.

Five minutes passed and Jaz pulled up into her parking spot. Dalton's heart skipped a beat, seeing her again. Her hair was pulled back in a high ponytail and she wore a blue striped sundress, uncharacteristically feminine for his tough as nails sniper. She bounded up the steps and was greeted by the door opening with a flourish. The man inside swept her into a big bear hug, making a point to make eye contact with Dalton down in the parking lot. He pressed a purposeful kiss to Jaz's cheek and swept her inside, closing the door firmly.

Jaz laughed, breathless, "Eddie! What was that all about?"

"Oh, nothin'! Just excited to spend this time with ya!" Eddie winked and dropped his arm around her shoulders and gave her a quick squeeze.

He figured he'd wait a bit before he decided if he was going to relay Dalton's message.


	14. Absence 14

**A/n: I don't remember if we ever heard Preach's wife's name or two of his daughters...I know he mentioned one was named Leah in the mall episode...So I'm taking artistic license here.**

 **Also, I almost have the next chapter done but the baby is finally asleep so I've got to take advantage of it and get some sleep too! She'll be up in a few hours unless a miracle happens, so I should be able to finish it soon. I think you're gonna love it!**

Preach scrubbed the grill and wiped it down, whistling a merry tune as he worked. The team barbecue was the highlight of his leave every time. The girls loved getting to rub shoulders with the brave men and woman that he worked with, and he loved the opportunity to join both his families.

"Leah, gather up the pool toys and put them in the corral when you're done with those windows," Preach called to his middle daughter. Getting the house ready was a family affair and he expected everyone to contribute.

"Sarah, sweetie," Preach addressed his oldest. "Off your phone, hon. Jaz is arriving this afternoon; we need to be ready. If you're done with your chores, go ask your mom how you can help."

Sarah hid her eye roll, but followed Preach's instruction.

"Daddy! I finished the garden! What should I do next?" Hannah careened around the corner of the house and almost ran smack into Preach.

Preach opened his arms and caught his youngest in a hug and twirled her around. It was so good to be home.

"Hey, you gorgeous girl! Have you practiced your clarinet yet today?" She shook her head and bounced off to her room at Preach's encouragement.

Preach's wife Kamille stuck her head out the back door and threw a wide grin his way. "I declare, Ezekiel, that girl is like play doh in your hands. She fights me tooth and nail when I try to get her to practice!"

Preach returned the grin and strode over to the door. Leaning in for a lingering kiss, he said, "I did love pottery class in high school!"

"You picking up Jaz or you want me to, Zeke?" Kamille asked, looking forward to spending a little extra time with the only female member of her husband's team. Usually the team came just for the weekend, but somehow Ezekiel had managed to convince Jaz and Captain Dalton to come early and spend the better part of the week with the family.

"Do you have a preference?" He wrapped his arms around her and breathed in her scent. He didn't take for granted that he had this time with her.

"Why don't you stay here with the girls, and I'll pick her up?" Kamille offered, trying hard not to be jealous of her husband's time. The girls needed as much Daddy time as he could spare.

"I won't argue with that!" Preach answered with a smile. One of the things he loved most about Kamille was her generous spirit, always sacrificing so others could benefit.

"Jaz, Kamille is going to take me to my physical therapy appointment this morning. You good to stay here while the girls are at school? Sarah has early release so she will be off around noon." Preach asked the next morning at breakfast.

"Sure thing! Anything I can do for you while you're gone?" While she didn't expect him to take her up on her offer, she hoped he would anyway.

"You can make use of that pool outside and take advantage of this balmy weather!" Living in the south had its advantages, especially when the only time he was home was during late winter and early spring.

Jaz playfully saluted and grinned. "I can do that!"

The girls left for school and Kamille and Preach left for the airport. Kamille turned to Preach as they pulled out of the driveway. "Why did you say we were going to your PT appointment? You know full well we're picking up Captain Dalton first and dropping him back by here!"

Preach's eyes twinkled. "Jaz and Adam have some things they need to work through, but neither one of them thinks they are ready. So now they'll have uninterrupted time to do just that."

"Zeke, you little rascal!" Kamille swatted him lightly on the arm before taking his hand in hers. "I love you, but you and your matchmaking ways!"

"I'm just trying to provide space and time, my dear, space and time. What those two do with it is totally up to them!"

"So Adam has no idea Jaz is here, does he?"

Preach's eyes peeked over at her, guilty as sin. A slow smile tweaked his cheeks until he could no longer conceal his laughter.

Preach got out of the car to retrieve Adam's bag from the trunk. He turned to get back in the car and casually remarked, "The door is open. Jaz is around back at the pool. Enjoy your time!"

And with that he sped off to physical therapy. Adam stood, stunned. Jaz. He knew he would see her this weekend, but the main reason he had agreed to come early was to process a little with Preach ahead of time. The man was always so perceptive - he had seen the attraction between Dalton and Jaz before Adam had even realized it.

Adam glared at the empty driveway and took a bracing breath. Hopefully Jaz was in a good mood and already prepared for his arrival.


	15. Absence 15

**A/n: well, she slept for half an hour, woke up for a bit, then went back down for FIVE hours!!! Miracle of miracles! This child does not sleep through the night yet, so this is amazing! Thanks for the congratulations and support! Writing is a stress reliever and you can bet I have my share of stress with all these kiddos! Haha! Anyway! The chapter y'all have been dying for...Enjoy!**

Adam walked through the house, dropping his bag at the foot of the stairs on his way out to the backyard. The cool air conditioning was a welcome relief from the stifling heat outside. He could see Jaz's tanned legs on a lawn chair. He eased the back door open and was greeted by a wave of heat; silently he pulled his t-shirt off and slung it onto the picnic table.

He stepped quietly to the chair beside Jaz and saw she was sleeping, laid out in a black bikini, sunglasses perched on top of her head. A book lay propped open on her stomach.

Adam sat and studied her. The sight her made his breath catch in his throat and he had to remind himself that she had a boyfriend now and that things would be necessarily different. He lamented that he had blown it so royally with her and allowed himself a few moments of wishing for things to be back the way they were, before their last night together.

Adam stretched out on the lawn chair, wiggling around to get comfortable. The chair squeaked and in an instant, Jaz shot up, grabbed her handgun from her bag beside her and had it pointed at him.

Adam threw his hands up and responded, "Easy there, Tiger! It's just me!"

Jaz's face registered profound shock and confusion. So much so that she forgot she was still aiming a loaded gun at her captain's head. "Top? What are you doing here?"

"Preach invited me early. I gather he did the same for you?" Adam's voice was matter of fact. Slowly he put his hand on top of Jaz's gun and lowered it.

She let out an emotion-filled sigh and returned the gun to her bag, slipping her sunglasses down on her nose. Her adrenaline was fading and she felt oddly uncomfortable sitting here in nothing but a bikini. Thankful she'd brought a sarong out, she reached for the bright floral fabric and slipped it around the back of her waist, cinching it up around her armpits and twirling the fabric ends into a knot around her neck. It wasn't much, but at least it covered her exposed midriff and skimmed the tops of her thighs.

Adam tried to give Jaz privacy as her hands fluttered nervously with her sarong, but her movements drew his attention like a moth to a flame. The sarong was a bright coral color and accented Jaz's olive skin flawlessly. She was still as breathtakingly beautiful as she was the last time he had seen her.

"So...you don't call, you don't write...what's been going on with you the last two months?" Jaz offered, keeping her gaze carefully averted.

Adam swung his legs over the side of the chair and leaned his arms on his knees. His clear blue eyes flashed defiantly. "Hey, I called, like seven times. And I definitely wrote. You refused to take my calls," he countered, surprised with her accusation and a little perturbed by it if she was honest with himself.

Her eyes sprang to his is defense. "Not trying to call you a liar, Top, but I swear I never got any messages from you, and definitely no emails." Her brows knit together in confusion.

"Didn't your boyfriend tell you I stopped by a few weeks ago?" Adam didn't intend it to sound so much like a barb, but it came out curt and defensive.

"My what?!?" She snapped, much like she did to Alex Hoffman when he'd accused Adam of being her significant other.

"The guy...at your apartment...he said you were heading to his place for a few weeks and swept you a bear hug and kissed you when you came in the door," Adam detailed the scene that had replayed over and over in his head.

"Eddie? He's..." Jaz glanced around, searching for the right words. "He's like a brother to me. Don't you remember Elijah's brother? I went to visit his family a few weeks ago...I wasn't going just for Eddie. We used to all three road trip down, and I thought it would be fun for old time's sake to do it again."

Jaz stood and moved to sit on the edge of the pool, dangling her legs in the water, putting some much needed space between her and the man who had not yet stopped meeting her in her dreams.

So softly that Adam almost missed it, she said, "Why do you even care, looked like you found your own companionship before we even left DC."

The betrayal still cut deep. It was the one piece she hadn't reconciled in her mind. After all they had been through together, the things they had shared and the closeness they had enjoyed, for him to just ignore her and chose a random bimbo to spend his last night in the Capitol stung.

Adam shut his eyes, regret filling his stomach. She was right. He had no room to be upset. Still, now was his chance to finally set things straight. He rose and tentatively stood behind her, not wanting to push so hard that he pushed her away.

She turned and examined him through her sunglasses. She noticed several fresh scars on his chest and wondered what had happened. Begrudgingly she scooted over a tad and motioned beside her. "Sit."

He sat, cross-legged, and his right knee rested lightly against her left thigh. He took a breath and glanced quickly at her before focusing his gaze across the pool, fixating on a spot on the fence.

"About that..." he began.

"You don't have to say anything." Jaz offered.

"No. I want to explain. Not that it makes it okay, or any shade of acceptable, but I need you to know," Adam insisted.

Jaz stayed quiet, her own eyes focusing on the water in front of her.

"For the last...I dunno, six months or so... I've become..." Adam paused. Infatuated sounded so juvenile. "...enamored by you."

Heat rose on Adam's cheeks, admitting the truth out loud. "I tried to fight it because it wasn't appropriate for me to feel anything but professionalism towards you. Involving any kind of romantic feelings in our line of work could prove deadly. So I denied it to myself and to anyone else that would ask. Mostly Preach."

"After we almost lost you in Tehran," Adam continued. "I knew I couldn't lie to myself anymore. You had become more important to me than anything else, more than my job, more than my own life. Jaz, Patricia was working up exfil plans for the rest of the team, but had we failed in our rescue attempt, there was no way I was leaving you behind. I had already determined that I was stay and find you or die trying."

Jaz let out a slow breath, not realizing she had been holding it, stunned with Adam's confession. "Wow..."

"And after that, all I wanted was to protect you, keep you safe. It killed me to think you might be put in a dangerous place again. You were growing more and more special to me, every time we'd talk by the fire or pair up out on mission. We got together so perfectly and worked together so flawlessly. It was like...it was like we were meant to be together."

"So why throw it all to hell after we got back?" Jaz wondered sharply.

"I'm an idiot. Plain and simple. I had this big apology planned for that night and—"

"Apology?" Jaz cut in. "For what?"

"For being such a jerk to you after Jarif spooked at the tea house and I reamed you for improvising. That low blow over missing your shot? Jaz, that was all completely uncalled for. If I had a problem with what you had done, I should have addressed it calmly and in private, not in the heat of the moment and in front of the entire team. I was wildly upset we'd lost Jarif and to be honest, I didn't even realize I had done it until we debriefed. And then I asked you an impossible question, after I had just put you in a vulnerable place that you never deserved to be in." Adam hung his head. "I am so, incredibly sorry, Jaz."

Jaz took a moment to soak in his words. They were like a balm on a burn that hadn't been able to heal for a long time.

"Top. I appreciate your apology. And I accept it, I forgive you, whatever, but I made the decision to go after Jarif on my own. I'm a big girl and no one makes decisions for me. You didn't force me into anything." Jaz looked at Adam and touched his arm when he didn't look at her.

Adam turned his head toward Jaz at her touch, but kept his eyes averted. "I'm not done."

His voice trembled, barely a whisper. He reached a hand up to fiddle with his beard, pinch his lip between his thumb and forefinger.

"That last night..." Adam's eyes flickered to Jaz's face and Jaz saw infinite regret pooled in them. "You were there, in that dress, looking sexy as hell, and everything I had planned to say to you left my brain. I literally couldn't put two coherent words together, looking at you. I was desperate not to make a fool of myself. That's why I didn't speak to you, why I kept my distance. I was afraid I'd ruin everything."

Jaz gave a dry, humorless laugh at the irony.

"I left with that girl, trying to get you out of my head. I thought if I could just get my mind off of you, I could get back some control, and we could talk and things would be better."

"And did it? Did you get it out of your system?" Jaz dreaded the answer, but she needed to know.

"I tried. Jaz, I tried to let her be enough for me. But every time I closed my eyes, it was you in my arms, you I was kissing, your skin I was feeling," Adam's face was redder than Jaz had ever seen it. His eyes were closed now, brows scowled together in disgust at his own foolishness.

"Jaz, I tried for hours, but I couldn't do it. And believe me, I wanted that release, but ... not without you."

He trained his eyes on the fence again, steeling them against whatever response Jaz would give, clenching his jaw in embarrassment and the exposure that his honesty had revealed. What kind of man couldn't perform with a beautiful woman?

Jaz sat in stunned silence. That was not the explanation she had expected, not in any of her imaginations. She bit her lips together nervously and the hurt and frustration she'd held towards him for the last two months melted away. Slowly, the realization that he hadn't actually been with that other woman sunk in.

Jaz pushed her sunglasses up on her head and shifted towards him. His face was glued to an imaginary spot on the fence. "Adam."

It was the first time she had ever used his first name, and the significance was not lost on either one of them. Adam's eyes flitted closed at the sound. His name had never sounded so good.

"Hey...Top," Jaz waited for him to make eye contact. When he did, she thought she could nearly drown in the depths of emotion that were there. Her voice dropped to a whisper, "Why didn't you tell me?"

Those ocean eyes, honest and deep, searched her own. "I'm sorry," Adam whispered again, barely audible.

Jaz broke eye contact and looked the other way, blinking away sudden surprising tears. "I thought...I thought you didn't care."

Adam boldly reached a hand out to turn her face back towards his. His touch was tender and soft, like the kiss he had pressed to her cheek as they went through customs those months ago. He gently wiped her tears with the pad of his thumb.

"That could never happen," he said each word slowly and purposefully.

Jaz's eyes flickered down to his naked chest. His muscles strained through his skin, even without flexing. She remembered feeling that solid chest behind her, every breath she took, under the floorboards of that truck for those long nine hours driving out of Iran. She reached a curious hand to trace the new scars that carved rugged tracks through his skin.

"What happened?" Her voice was thick with concern.

"I, uh, took my motorcycle into battle with a semi...Yeah, the semi won," he nodded sheepishly.

"Top! When did this happen? Why didn't you tell me?!?" Seriously, the man was infuriating.

Adam chuckled. "I tried calling. You never picked up."

"Wait," Jaz looked at him with inquisitive eyes. "Did you change your number? I kept getting calls from an unknown number and I thought if it were important they would leave a message!" Those last three words were pointedly insistent.

Adam wrinkled his nose in playful disgust, "Yeah, I hate leaving messages!"

"Seriously?!? That was all you?!?" Jaz shoved Adam's shoulder, more forcefully than she intended.

He toppled off balance and splashed into the pool. The tension of the previous hour broken, Jaz laughed. It was a laugh filled with relief, and it was the most beautiful sound Adam had ever heard as he rose up out of the water. The sun glinted off the water droplets skimming over his chest and Jaz didn't stop herself from staring. His boyish eyes sparkled and his smile was back. He reached out a hand towards Jaz.

"Give me a hand up?" He asked.

She extended her hand without thinking and soon joined him in the pool, drenched and laughing. After an attempt or two to dunk him back under (which didn't work, he was much too conditioned to predict her moves and avoid them cleanly), his hands came to settle on her waist, drawing her closer to him.

Her eyes bravely searched his as her hands traveled up his arms and came to rest interlocked behind his head.

"I'm going to kiss you," he stated.

"You better do it then," she challenged, an unbidden smile barely keeping in check.

"Say my name again?"

"Captain Dalton?" she offered innocently.

Adam rolled his eyes and raised one eye brow.

"Top."

"Jaz..."

"Adam."

Before she was done speaking, his lips had claimed hers, one hand cupping her head toward his, the other drawing her body close to his, drinking in her skin, memorizing every curve.

Electricity ignited her soul and she gladly surrendered to his touch. His wet hair was thick under her fingers and she could feel his heart beating wildly in his chest next to hers.

Finally they were breathless and spent. Parting just enough to focus on one another's face, their easy camaraderie returned, that unspoken, in sync communication that was like magic back in full force. Adam hoisted himself out of the pool, then reached down to pull Jaz onto his lap. She wrapped her legs around his waist and cuddled up in his arms. She was finally home.

He stood, easily lifting Jaz as he did so, and retreated to the brightly colored beach towels piled on a nearby pool chair. Holding Jaz with one arm, he snagged two towels with the other hand and deftly flicked them open onto a sunny spot in the grass.

Carefully he lowered Jaz to the ground, taking care not to let her go too soon. He stretched out beside her and tugged her head onto his chest. She snuggled comfortably onto his still wet skin, cherishing every beat of his heart. Her eyelids grew heavy. Nightmares would have no place here, and she dropped off into a deep and dreamless sleep where she knew with all her being that she was safe.

Adam breathed in the warmth of the moment. He never expected her to be so receptive and he was grateful he had been honest with her. Humiliating, yes, but this, this was totally worth it. And now, with her wet hair dripping cool little streaks down his neck and chest, her body curled into his, her hand resting softly on his chest, he was finally home.


	16. Absence 16

**A/n: Well, I thought I would be done but there is more to their story so I guess I gotta keep going!**

Preach and Kamille pulled into the driveway just before noon. The house looked quiet, but there was no telling what Adam and Jaz were up to and if they had even talked.

Hearing nothing but quiet in the house, Preach headed towards the pool where he suspected Jaz was. Stepping outside quietly he noticed the pair lying on some beach towels on the grass, Jaz's dark hair splayed out across Adam's bare chest, one of her legs curled around both of his, his arm wrapped around her neck like a pillow. Her sarong had fallen open, revealing her toned abs and Adam's fingers lightly traced her skin, skimming her waist, bellybutton, past her ribs, skipping up to whisper against the open V of her bikini top.

Preach smiled and retreated just as quietly back into the house. Looked like they had finally come to terms with each other and made peace. He was glad they would have a few days to figure themselves out before the rest of the team arrived. They were going to need it.

Jasmine awoke, unsure of where she was and who she was with. Her body was wrapped around a ripped, muscular frame that smelled faintly of musk. She craned her neck to look at his face and instantly the memory of Adam's confession came flooding back. His blue eyes caressed her face and his beard moved with his smile.

"Hey there, sleepyhead." His eyes danced in gentle tease. He brought his free hand from her midsection to trace one finger down her face, taking in the still sleep-drunk love she didn't bother to hide from her eyes.

"It wasn't a dream!" Her exclamation was low, as if she had a hard time believing it.

Adam smiled again and shook his head. "No, not a dream. Though this definitely feels like it."

Jaz sighed contently and fingered the scars on Adam's chest.

"Tell me about your accident?" She felt horrible that she had missed it all. She had some words for the rest of her team that had somehow neglected to mention their captain's injuries.

"Well, I took my bike out for a ride to clear my head. I kept trying to get in touch with you, but every call was going straight to voicemail, and every time I tried to email you, I'd get stuck after "dear Jaz." So I went for a ride in the country, ended up writing out a letter to you, and on my way back I miiiiiight have been going a little faster than I should have? I was late meeting my sisters for dinner, so...I didn't see the semi coming around the corner until it was too late."

"What all did you break?" Jaz asked dryly, knowing it was more than just the ribs she suspected.

"I broke my left tibia, a bunch of ribs, dislocated this shoulder, broke my forearm here and my collarbone."

"Thank God you were wearing your helmet," was all Jaz could say. Leave it to Adam to wind up in the hospital full of broken bones not in Fallujah, not in Columbia, not sneaking out of Iran...but in rural Pennsylvania one week into leave.

She shook her head against his shoulder in humored disbelief. "I'm sorry I didn't come visit you. I didn't know."

"I know. I asked the team not to tell you. I didn't want a pity visit."

"Top!" Jaz smacked his stomach in protest.

Adam sat up and laughed sheepishly, catching her eye out of the corner of his. "Sorry! I just...I felt bad."

"You should!"

Adam pulled Jaz up to stand in front of him and unabashedly studied her face, her hands captured in his. His eyes tightened with emotion. He had come so close to losing her.

He pressed his forehead against hers and closed his eyes. He didn't know how this whole thing would work out; after all, he was still her commanding officer, there were rules for good reason, and leave wouldn't last forever. But for this moment, he pushed it all from his mind and centered on one thing. Jaz was here, in his arms, and she had chosen him.

Jaz's body shook in Adam's arms and he opened his eyes to see her laughing. "What's so funny?" He asked, trying to perceive the answer.

"You really couldn't ... get it up ... with that other chick, huh?"

Adam pulled away from her and scrubbed his hand over his face in chagrin. "Ya had to bring that up again? Really, Jaz?"

Jaz hooted as she walked toward the door. She tossed her head over her shoulder, saying, "Don't worry, your secret is safe with me!"

Adam shook his head and prayed she was telling the truth. McG would never let him hear the end of it if that tidbit of information ever got out.


	17. Absence 17

**A/n: sorry it's taken so long to get this one done! My husband came down sick so I've been preoccupied a little.**

It was past midnight for the third night in a row and Jaz and Adam were still up talking. Once the floodgates opened, it was like they couldn't get enough of each other - while for the present they still slept in their own beds, they spent every waking moment learning more about each other, sharing even more of their pasts, talking about their dreams for the future.

One subject they had both avoided was the reality of the strain their job would necessarily place on any hope of a real relationship. If the team wasn't on board of keeping it on the down low, the team dynamic would have to change. Unless by some miracle they got an exemption to the rules.

It was something they needed to discuss. McG and Amir were arriving in the morning and they needed to be on the same page as far as how to handle their interaction. Preach was one thing - he had been the first to realize Jaz and Adam had a real connection. But Adam wasn't sure how Amir and McG would react.

Adam draped Jaz's legs over his and took her hand in his. The lamp beside them cast a soft glow on her face. Goodness, she was so beautiful.

"So," Adam began. "We should probably talk about what we want this to look like moving forward at some point."

"Patricia knows," Jaz blurted. "So does Amir. And Hannah."

Adam looked at Jaz, puzzled. "How...is that?"

"Well, Hannah and I discussed things when we were getting ready for that last dinner altogether. Patricia saw us on the way in and said something about how you and Amir would have a tough time keeping your eyes off of us, and that while our previous professionalism had been appreciated, we should relax and enjoy the night. Then we went inside and McG and Amir saw us and Amir said something about you to me as well. I think McG is the only clueless one." Jaz explained.

"Hm. Well, McG isn't clueless anymore," Adam admitted.

"Did you tell him?" Jaz was surprised.

"Ummm, he came out when I was in the hospital and he seemed pretty clued in, and there was the whole reason I was in the hospital, so," he shrugged his shoulders.

"So I guess we talk to Patricia? Are you comfortable with asking her advice or opinion?" Jaz twirled a circle on Adam's t-shirt with her finger.

"Yeah, I guess...uh, I guess that would be the logical thing to do. I just don't want to wreck anything. For you." Adam drew Jaz closer with his final words.

"I appreciate that, Top."

"Top?" He gently challenged her, wishing she would stick with his given name, but realizing the adjustment was more delicate for her than it was for him.

Jaz flicked her eyes at him, an inscrutable expression in her eyes. "Why does it bother you that I call you that?"

He cocked his head and shrugged. "I dunno. Adam just seems...more personal, I guess. We've kept that line of professionalism so carefully, and ..."

His voice trailed off and Jaz nodded with understanding. "...it just reminds me of the disparity between our positions and at least while we're on leave, I'd rather just enjoy us."

"Well, I can't promise to always remember to call you Adam, but I'll try. It's had to be Top for three and half years though, so...it might take some getting used to."

"I get that. I just wish we could forget that I'm your commanding officer." His voice was low and his eyes smiled sadly.

Jaz leaned closer so that their noses were almost touching. "I might have an idea on how we can do that, at least for tonight." Her wide, beautiful smile flashbacked Adam's mind to that mission where she had been teasing him about being able to know her thoughts just from looking in her eyes.

What had started as a disagreement about the appropriateness of McG engaging in casual relations had turned into playful banter with serious undertones that Adam hadn't been ready to face just yet. She had come back with her challenge again after the mission had been resolved, testing him on what she was thinking.

He hadn't been lying; he was fairly certain he knew what she was thinking, but he was too afraid to put it into words. She had piled her dark hair high on her head, accenting her slender neck and making her cheekbones seem even higher than normal. Her ruby colored tank top set off the alluring blush of her cheeks, and her eyes...those windows to her soul the color of burnt umber had sparkled under thick, bewitching eyelashes that looked as soft

as silk.

Though he had countered that proving her test would be bragging, he had been afraid to admit the truth — that an honest conversation would reveal secret desires that were completely unprofessional. She had laughed at him and that sound had rang in his ears for weeks afterward.

But now, after all that had transpired over the last few days, maybe it was finally time to put that challenge to the test. Adam smiled at the thought.

"You know how, a while back, you asked me to intuit your intentions just by looking on your eyes?"

Her eyes flashed with the memory. "Yeah! As I recall, you never could prove it."

"How about, if I do that now? I'll look into your eyes and tell you what I see." His voice was low and sensuous, sending shivers down Jaz's spine.

A quiet click of the water dispenser on the fridge emanated from the kitchen next door, reminding the pair they weren't alone. Dalton pulled away slightly, not wanting to encroach on Preach's family's space, unsure of who was getting a drink in the next room, conscious of the real possibility of it being a young girl who didn't need to see the two of them exploring the look in Jaz's eyes.

Jaz and Adam remained frozen where they sat, legs tangled up in each other, for what seemed like an eternity, ears straining towards the kitchen. A soft clink indicated the cup was placed in the sink, and faint footsteps retreated to the stairs.

Jaz let out a breath she didn't realize aha had been holding and they both giggled nervously. "That was a close one," Jaz whispered.

"I'd invite you to my room," she continued, "but I'm sharing with Sarah..."

"...and I sleep right here," Adam indicated the couch they were curled up on. He couldn't keep the disappointment from his voice, not that he tried.

Jaz began to extricate herself from Adam's hold. "I should probably get to bed..." Her voice trailed off and Adam kicked himself for not finding other sleeping arrangements earlier.

He rubbed his bottom lip as he was prone to do, and caught her hand as she stood. "One of these days, Jaz..."

"I'm in no hurry. I waited three long years to call you Adam. There's no rush to get ahead of ourselves. Usually I hate waiting, but this...is more like, anticipating." Her last sentence was whispered in his ear, her hands squeezing his shoulders affectionately.

And then she was gone and Adam was alone on the couch.


	18. Absence 18

**A/n: thanks for all the support! Comments are LIFE! My hubby (pretty sure he got Influenza...) is doing a little better only now my oldest is sick :'( Here's hoping the littles and I don't catch it - especially since I can't take anything if I get sick! On a positive note - I'm sitting in the parking lot waiting to peek at my newest babe for the first ultrasound!**

 **Re: this fic...I'm not sure how much more I've got - my inspiration is slowing down but I do have some other ideas, so I'll try for maybe two or three more chapters then I'll probably move on to a new story arc. Also a tiny "sexual vulnerability" warning (more for the coming chapters than this one, but...) I'm not a smut writer, so keeping it as tasteful as I can, but...there you go.**

Amir and McG arrived within an hour of each other so Preach picked them up together, leaving Jaz and Adam at home with Kamille. The girls were at school until 3:00 but were excited to rush home for the party. It was another unseasonably warm day, so the pool would be in good use and Preach looked forward to the weekend of relaxation.

Kamille had a few last minute errands to run and was glad to give Adam and Jaz a little privacy. She had kept up on the budding connection between the two of them over the last deployment—actually she had noticed the easy synergy between captain and sniper at their last team barbecue and had planted the seed of observation in Preach's mind. She was glad to see them finally admitting the truth of how they felt toward each other.

Adam was a good man and he deserved every happiness. Kamille didn't know Jaz as well as Adam, but in the short time she had known her, she had been nothing but impressed by the younger woman's tenacity, unwavering loyalty, and commitment to excellence. Her passion was vibrant and the way she interacted with the Carter girls was comfortable and inspiring. Kamille loved that her daughters had a role model who was strong and independent, but who was learning to embrace a soft side as well.

Adam stood in the family game room upstairs, paused in front of the window. He had a clear view of the pool outside and the raven haired mermaid swimming laps in that enticing black bikini mesmerized him. It had been so hard to let her go last night.

His desire for her was intense and damn this waiting, _anticipating_ as she called it. Her self control put a niggling question in his head. Was he more invested than she was? She was so young, and he felt so old, seasoned by more years of combat and loss than anyone ought to see. It gave him a readiness to settle, to establish himself, to put down roots. But Jaz...she had seen her fair share of difficulty, obviously, but still, she was a solid twelve years younger than he was and she didn't seem to _need_ him the way he knew he needed her.

Adam rubbed his lower lip as he studied her. Her strokes were effortless, flipping easily at the edge of the pool and slipping through the water like a fish. He drew a ragged breath, fighting the fear that prickled up in his belly that she was oblivious to the power she had over him, the intensity of his care for her.

Jaz was quietly aware of Adam's eyes on her, though she hadn't given him any hint to that fact. As a sniper, she had an innate sense that always alerted her when she was being watched. It had saved her life on multiple occasions and had caused her great consternation over the course of her last deployment when it came to the man in question. He thought she didn't notice when he'd watch her, but she knew.

 _Breathe in, breathe out._ Jaz tried pushing the intensity of his gaze from her mind as she swam, aware that her swimsuit was more for catching eyes than catching waves. She usually wore a more sensible suit, especially at Preach's home, but for some reason this one was the one she'd grabbed as she hastily packed after returning from visiting Elijah's family. But now that she and Adam had cleared the air, she was kind of glad it was the one she had.

His quiet calmness sometimes unnerved her, made it seem like his heart was still a tiny bit aloof, holed off by the sorrow and trauma he'd experience. At least in this suit, she knew his eyes would be on her, and maybe that could convince his heart to follow suit.

It had been hard, almost painful, walking away from him last night. His smell was intoxicating and sitting there tangled up in his arms and legs had blurred her usual laser focus. Somehow she had kept her voice steady as she fed him that line about anticipation not being as hard as waiting, and she was half surprised he bought it.

But here in the light of day...her mind was not as sure. Being _with_ Adam...just the thought of it flustered her. It wasn't like she was a virgin - she'd had her share of encounters over the years, but Adam was older, more experienced, and to be honest a tiny bit intimidating. Just a look from those ocean eyes melted her and while she put up a confident front, she had scars and insecurities that she couldn't shake. It was one thing to kiss the man. It was a whole other thing to be completely naked and vulnerable before him.

So Jaz swam, to keep her mind from concentrating on the risk of completely baring it all to this man who held her heart, her soul in his very hands. Did he know the power he had over her? She didn't think he did, and while her brain knew she could trust him one hundred percent, her heart struggled to follow. So many years of being burned by the men who should have protected her had left deep voids that Adam was only beginning to fill.

The front door slammed and loud laughing jostled Adam from his reverie. Preach was back with the guys. Casting one last longing glance at Jaz, Adam turned to go greet the rest of his team.


	19. Absence 19

**A/n: again, thank you for all the support and well wishes for my little (haha, who am I kidding! We're on baby #4 here!) family. The littlest squish looks like a cute little gummy bear and has a strong heartbeat!**

The barbecue was comfortable and relaxing. It was good to just laugh and play and enjoy the normalcy, without fear of being called out on a mission or worse — a bombing on their beach.

Preach's daughters tossed a volleyball with Jaz in one corner of the yard while Preach and Adam manned the grill. Amir and McG splashed around in the pool, occasionally calling Jaz and the girls to come join them. Leah, who secretly had a crush on McG, happily obliged and cannonballed right between the two men. Kamille flitted between all of them, refilling chip bowls and replacing sodas and beers.

"So...you guys work everything out?" Preach asked Adam.

Adam's gaze lifted to Jaz who was alternately bumping and setting the volleyball. The girl could do seriously any sport she tried. His eyes softened into a smile and he shook his head.

"Not exactly, but we're getting there. I need to run it by Patricia at some point. I won't put Jaz's career in jeopardy but I also don't want her reassigned to another unit." Adam explained his struggle.

Preach flipped a steak and nodded thoughtfully. "She is part of us. Losing her would rip this team wide open."

For once his response wasn't some cryptic mystery. Adam appreciated the frankness. He didn't take this potential conflict lightly and he was glad to have his older friend's support.

"You in this for the long haul, Topshot?" Preach ventured. His eyes were wise and knowing. He and Kamille celebrated their twentieth anniversary last month - he was well acquainted with the hard work that a long term commitment required.

Adam's eyes darkened as he stole another glance at Jaz. His hand came up to fiddle with his beard before he dropped it into his pocket. He paused and sighed heavily.

"You know, I think I am. I'm just...not entirely sure if she is yet."

Preach's eyebrows rose and he also stole a glance at Jaz.

"Has she said something to give you cause for concern, Adam?"

Adam shook his head and scrubbed the nape of his neck with his hand. "Not in so many words. She just ... she is such her own person and free spirit and she's so strong. She doesn't need me. Not like..."

"Not like what, Adam?" Preach narrowed his eyes and stared pointedly at his friend.

"Not like I need her." Adam's voice was barely audible, not wanting his biggest fear broadcast to the entire backyard.

"Can I give you some advice, my friend?" Preach asked but didn't wait for a reply.

"You need to talk to her. Communication is the key to successful relationships. And you can't just communicate in your way. See, men and women, we're different. Fundamentally. We think differently, our brains are wired differently, and as tough and self sufficient a woman may seem, she is still a woman on the inside - she wants to be loved and protected and cherished. So you have to communicate in a way that reaches her. My wife calls it talking and hearing through pink comms and she says my comms are blue. If they're not on the same signal, there's effort put in but no communication taking place. Sometimes, when we get on each other's nerves she'll say 'Zeke, your comms are blue. Switch to the pink channel please.' It sounds silly, but it really works to let me know I'm forgetting to communicate in a way that reaches her."

Adam listened intently, smiling at the visual picture of colored comms. Jaz's comms wouldn't be pink - they'd be like army green camo or something, but the point of the object lesson made sense. Communicating on mission came naturally but communicating relationally...they had done a fairly decent job so far, but since the guys had arrived earlier that morning, it seemed like they had come to a stand still. Jaz had pulled away a bit, keeping her distance and choosing to hang with anyone but Adam.

Adam glanced over at the girls playing volleyball again and was surprised to see Jaz had left. He scanned the yard, searching for her but didn't see her. Puzzled, Adam broke away from Preach's side at the grill, making up an excuse to go inside the house.

Adam made his way inside, noting the empty living room, kitchen, and den. Where had she gone? The bathroom door was open, and the office was empty as well. Faint voices carried from a bedroom upstairs.

"He wants more, physically. Which I mean, I want too, but I'm just...terrified. It will change things forever, and I can't lose this family, even if it means pulling back from Top and not exploring this further. How do I know he's not going to get bored with me? I'll lose everything. But I can't lose him either. He means ... literally everything ... like, I don't think I can live without him."

Adam strained to hear the words.

"Jaz, you need to be sure of what you want before you give yourself to that man in ways you can't take back. He is a good man. And I can see he has a depth of care for you. But you need to talk to him about this. Girl, we're all insecure when it comes to love! I was, with Ezekiel, even after we got married! But that man is the best man that I know and you know what, he was so committed to me that he respected my desire to wait for sex until marriage. I knew if he could control those urges and still be faithful to me during our engagement, that I could trust him to have the same self control and faithfulness within our marriage."

"Were you both ..."

"Virgins? I was. Ezekiel wasn't. And you can bet I struggled feeling like maybe I wouldn't measure up to the other girls he had been with, wouldn't be as adventurous or creative or sexy. And maybe I'm not, but you know what? I'm Zeke's favorite. I'm his favorite person, his favorite friend, and his favorite lover. Because he chose me. He could have had any girl out there - he was quite the catch in high school. But he chose me. Because he loves me. And he chooses me everyday, when there are plenty of temptations around to distract him. And that's how I trust him—"

The door slammed open and McG, Leah, and Hannah came tromping in, filling the house with laughter and shouts. Adam retreated quickly outside, suddenly feeling a pressing need for fresh air.

He turned around the side of the house and slid down against the siding until he was squatting on the ground. Jaz and Kamille's overheard conversation burned in his ears, the insecurity in Jaz's voice unexpected and heartbreaking. She was right, so far they hadn't done anything they couldn't come back from. Taking that next step would change things, for better or worse, and it was her career on the line. Even if he requested a new command, that would require a new captain for her and with it the probability of a chauvinist leader who would insist she prove herself over and over.

" _How do I know he won't get bored with me?_ " Jaz's words echoed in Adam's mind. Perhaps they were more on the same page than either of them thought.

Preach's voice boomed through the air. "Steak's up, everyone! Let's get this party started!"

McG and the girls came tumbling out of the house, teasing and calling first dibs on the steak. Kamille and Jaz followed, carrying armloads of chips and snack mixes.

Preach held his hands out to his wife and youngest daughter, who in turn held their hands out to those beside them. Soon the entire group was wrapped in a circle, Jaz tucked safely between Kamille and Sarah, Leah somehow wiggling her way to hold McG's hand, Adam on the opposite side of the circle, between Hannah and Amir.

Without preamble, Preach spoke in prayer, but it seemed as natural as talking to a friend. "Thank you, Father, for these good people, my family. Thank You for Kamille and her strength over these last months, for Sarah, Leah, and Hannah, my sweet daughters who remind me every day to embrace life. Thanks for my friend and fearless leader Adam and the wisdom that You've given him as he leads our team, for McG and his talent at patching us all up when we need it. Thanks for bringing Amir into this team, this family, and the added perspective and kindness that he has brought. And for Jaz, our dear sister that we are so grateful..."

Preach voice wobbled and Jaz's eyes flew to his face like a startled deer. Preach always said one long prayer each barbecue where he called them all out by name, but he'd never gotten emotional before. She thought she spied a tear roll down his dark cheek and disappear into his beard.

He cleared his throat and continued, "Lord, we thank you for keeping her safe and allowing her to still be with us. We've been through some hard times lately, but You walk through them with us, and we're grateful for Your love. Bless this food, Father, and may we enjoy one another's company on this day that You have given us. We love You, Lord. Amen."

A round of amens chorused around the circle before people scattered to grab plates and drinks. Jaz hung back, still processing the depth of emotion in Preach's voice when he had prayed for her. Adam tentatively approached her.

"Hey."

Jaz looked at Adam, vulnerability shining in her eyes. "No one has ever prayed for me like that before," she whispered. Though she didn't necessarily believe the same as Preach, still, it was incredibly touching for him to involve her in something he held so dearly.

Adam placed gentle hands on each of Jaz's shoulders and searched her deep brown eyes. "You are a ... vital part ... of our family. Almost losing you..." Adam blinked back sudden tears and looked up to towards the sky to compose himself. "This family wouldn't survive without you. Jaz..."

He waited until she looked back in his eyes.

" _I_ wouldn't survive without you."

Jaz cupped his cheek with her hand, feeling that old familiar fear slowly dissolving with the understanding of how real Adam's care, his _love_ for her was.

McG and Amir chose that moment to clue in on the tender display of affection between Adam and Jaz. McG whooped loudly and shouted, "Top? Jaz? _What_ is going on over there?!?"

Amir chimed in, "So you finally cleared the air, did you? Congratulations, you two!"

Adam closed his eyes briefly and smiled, slightly annoyed. "Talk later?"

At Jaz's nod, Adam dropped one arm around Jaz and acknowledged the group with a wave. "Yeah, yeah, y'all are just jealous!"

Jaz grasped Adam's hand that rested just off her shoulder and squeezed. "You were right, Preach. Finding a connection with someone special is rare and it is worth it to take hold of!"

 **A/n: Regarding the bit about colored comms, I actually got the idea from a man named Emerson Eggerichs who wrote the book Love and Respect. He details it as pink/blue megaphones and hearing aides.**

 **Also I just realized that I named one of Preach's daughters the same name as an already established character so sorry for any confusion there!**


	20. Absence 20

**A/n: 20 chapters?!? How did that happen? Oh wait, over 100 sweet comments full of encouragement and support! Thanks, everyone!**

The energy of the afternoon had died down and Preach's daughters had convinced McG and Amir to watch a movie with them. Preach and Kamille were happy to snuggle up on the loveseat by the window and just watch over their girls.

Jaz lingered outside, absently gathering garbage and folding discarded towels. Adam scrubbed the grill vigorously, keeping one eye on Jaz. She moved to straighten the condiment bottles left on the side table and Adam dropped the scrubber to pull her into his arms.

Wrapping his arms around her, Adam pressed a soft kiss to her forehead. She stiffened ever so slightly before relaxing and turning her face toward his. That sheen of fear and vulnerability dotted her eyes and Adam knew it was time.

He led her to the cushioned patio couch and sat down beside her, keeping her hands tucked in his. "Let's talk, my love."

Jaz's eyes flicked to his at his term of endearment. She was surprised to see his usually confident expression absent and a hesitant question in his eyes.

"Adam..."

"Please. I need to say this, Jaz." His tongue ran over his bottom lip and he took a reassuring deep breath. "I know I've said in the past that I wasn't interested in long term relationships or a ... a family. I never once thought that was ever in the cards for me. I saw how damaging a father out of control could be, and I could never do that to a family of my own. I thought it would be easier to just avoid the whole possibility."

Adam reached up and tucked an errant piece of Jaz's thick hair behind her ear so he could see her eyes.

"Until I met you. When you walked onto my team, I knew things would be different, but I never dreamed just how much you would impact me. Not just the impact you would make on our team, but in my heart. It started out so subtly I didn't even know it was happening. Your skills as a sniper automatically meant you always had my back, we've paired up on more mission than I can count and though I completely trust the guys with my life, having you at my side has always calmed any nerves I may have had. We work seamlessly and that's been evidenced over and over. We seriously make ... a badass team."

Jaz smiled and nodded. "That we do. I think it makes McG jealous sometimes," she snickered.

"Over this last deployment, you've become even more important today love me. Our fireside talks quickly became the thing I looked forward to most after a tough mission, and sharing the stars with you... I don't know, I just felt ... bonded with you in way that I'd never felt before. Then when you were taken in Tehran... Jaz, I couldn't ... The thought of losing you ... suddenly, I had all the clarity in the world, but I didn't know if you felt the same way. And I guess I'm still not totally sure exactly where you're at, but ... you're it for me, Jaz. I'm captivated by you and I don't want to live without you."

"Adam," Jaz breathed, amazed by this man who spoke life into her very soul. It was like he read every fear she harbored and tenderly put it to rest.

"Jaz, you have ... bewitched me body and soul, and I love, I love, I love you."

Jaz couldn't stop the snort. "Did you just ... quote Jane Austen to me in declaring your love?"

Adam's cheeks flamed. "I couldn't think of a more appropriate way to say it. It's true, Jaz. I love with every fiber of my being. It's like I'm under your spell—"

"You quoted Jane Austen. Pride and Prejudice, right?" Her eyes brimmed with laughter, but seriously, it was the cutest, most endearing thing she had ever heard.

"My youngest sister's favorite. She was always quoting it until ..." Adam's voice trailed off and his eyes hardened slightly.

"Until what, Adam?" Jaz placed a concerned hand on his arm.

A tiny tear dropped onto Adam's leg. He hadn't shared this information with anyone, not even Preach or Patricia. "She was murdered. By our father who thought it wasn't a big deal to drive with a blood alcohol level almost three times the legal limit."

At his revelation, Jaz wrapped her arms around him and held tight. She couldn't imagine the pain he must carry in his heart but she was honored that he shared it with her.

"I can't imagine how hard that must have been for you, losing her."

"It was one thing when he would go after me, you know? I was a kid who grew into a man early on. But endangering my mom and my sisters... when he was in a mood to hit somebody, I could take it for them. But the accident... I wasn't there to protect her. There was nothing I could do."

"How old were you?" Jaz asked quietly.

"I was nineteen, on my way to Basic Training. She had just turned sixteen."

"I'm so sorry, Adam."

Adam wiped his eye with the pad of thumb and sniffed. "Ahhh, enough of the sad talk! This was supposed to be romantic and sweet, or something like that."

Jaz touched his cheek with her thumb, her fingers brushing into his hair behind his ear. "It was. Incredibly sweet. And with you I am completely and perfectly and incandescently happy." Her eyes twinkled as she quoted the book back to him.

His eyes crinkled as he smiled.

"You said you still weren't sure exactly where I'm at..." Jaz trailed off, unsure how to communicate her feelings adequately.

"It's okay. No pressure. I just wanted you to know I'm all in, if that makes any difference to you."

"Adam, I told Preach I'd consider a family on one condition. Do you remember what that was?"

"I believe you said if you could get it in writing that it wouldn't be anything like your family," Adam watched Jaz, wondering where she was going.

"You are ... the best man that I know. Watching you lead our team, it's inspiring, really. You have wisdom beyond your years, even when I don't agree with you in the moment. You stay focused on the task at hand and don't get bogged down with the details, but yet you take care of all the details. You never back down from what is right. And you fight for those who don't have a voice. You've never used the fact that I'm a woman to gain an upper hand or to garner attention for yourself. You are kind and forgiving. You extend grace when I mess up and you don't hold it over my head. You're not a bully. As much as you have darkness inside of you, there is also so much light. You are the opposite of my father. I have no doubts that you would make a fantastic hus— uh, partner. When you came to rescue me, in Iran... Adam, no one had ever done that before. No one had ever stuck up for me, put their life on the line, risked anything, for me. Kamille says trust is a choice. And you have proven to me over and over that you are worthy of not only my respect and trust, but of my heart."

Jaz took his face in both her hands and searched his cool blue eyes earnestly. "I love you, Adam Dalton. Nothing in this world can ever change that. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you."

Adam didn't even mind that she ended with another Pride and Prejudice quote. He was kissing her all over her face, hungry to taste her smooth skin under his lips. "You...are...so...beautiful..." He punctuated each word with another kiss, finally pressing his lips to hers with a fire so intense it took her breath away.

Finally he pulled back enough to see her face. "My dear, sweet Jasmine... I want you to meet my other sisters. Come home with me? You don't have any pressing plans after this weekend, do you?"

Jaz smiled, taking in the excitement of this man's love. "I would love to come home with you and meet them."

 **A/n: Well, that wraps it up! I think I'm going to end it there and not explore the repercussions of the fact that he is her CO and they can't be in the same unit and date each other... sorry! 20 chapters though! I'm ready for something new! Seriously, the highest of thanks for all your support!**


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